In My Element (Rehash Of Old Post)

Today is the first day it's dropped below 45 degrees here in Kentucky. I actually had to break out my Carhartt jacket to protect my body from the elements. I love my Carhartt. I love the first day of the fall when I can wear it. It makes me feel like a big man, all rugged and burly. Yeah, I said burly. If you owned a Carhartt, you'd feel the same way.


I'm in my element. You see, I'm from Ohio and we're very cold people. We're more comfortable in the cold. Summers are unbearable for my people. We melt in our hot cars. We can't wait for the fall. It's our favorite time of year. That's how we roll.


In celebration, I will now attempt to write a sorry excuse for a haiku:


Carhartt jacket in hiding since March,
gone for seven months
show yourself.

Great Post Confirming What I Already Knew About Christian Music

This is a great article from Patrol Magazine about the lameness of Christian music. As a Christian, I've grown tired of tired music from semi-talented and bland artists promoted to the upper eschelons of the Christian music scene. Most of these artists wouldn't be able to play on the secular market, so they are relegated to the lower division of Christian music.

And yet there shines a bright light (or many bright lights) amid the gloom and din of this music scene. Artists that actually have excelled as Christians can be found on various indie web sites such as The Blah Blah and The Bored-Again Christian. Here you can find great music without the boredom. The latter is actually a podcast that you can listen to.

I really hope that the "industry" will collapse in on itself and stop producing lame sounds that pass as Christian music. I hope that the independent artists who are really preaching the same message with actual creativity and gifts from above will be promoted more. We owe it to ourselves and the world to stop the spread of "Christian Music".

The Future Of Youth Ministry

So tonight in my youth ministry class we talked about the four stages of youth ministry dating back to the 1820's. Pretty much, we're in the "Emerging" stage that started around 1990, after the collapse of communism and modernism. Where youth ministry (and church ministry) used to be from the top - down, more and more youth groups are going from a bottom - up model. What's that? Good question.

It's pretty much where the youth pastor stops becoming the expert, the do-it-all, know-it-all minister. Most churches are still in this mode, and expect us to have all the answers. He or she instead trains people in the church to be leaders of youth. So, instead of the youth pastor leading a group of 30 kids and 5 adult leaders, they train the 5 adults and some student leaders to lead it, and do some of the work more effectively. It also becomes a ministry to the adult leaders. I really do believe (and know) that working with youth can be a ministry to the adults.

Another move is to the inner city. Back in the 70's and 80's, most youth ministry was done in the suburbs and small towns, but a majority of the kids were in the cities. Now, more and more adults are going back into the city to minister to those kids. Now its the suburban kids who will be left without leaders. It's funny, because that's exactly what happened here in Lexington with Youth for Christ. While the Urban ministry is thriving, the suburban ministry doesn't even exist anymore. I guess some of these trends are really happening after all.

It's pretty different from where I was 20 years ago as a kid, but I can see the logic behind it. Kids are very different. They want different things than we did just a few decades ago. Anyone who works with youth has their work cut out for them. It's not good enough just to give kids activities; they actually want to be challenged.

As far as my role in all this, I just don't know. I'm trying to learn to be happy where I am at the church I'm in with the youth in front of me. Hopefully, they won't abuse my car like kids in the past have done. I really like this car...

Corrections and Adjustments...

OK...I've made some adjustments to my fantasy football team since my last post. Most notably, my team name has been changed from "Sweet Merciful Crap" to "That's What She Said". Actually, the only changes were dropping Amani Toomer and adding Jeremy Shockey. The biggest change though, was the name. That's What She Said. And if you don't know where that comes from, well...I hate to say it, but you need to watch The Office. I don't like to recommend TV to people (many object to the device), but it is a great show. And this is a great team. Let's hope that I finish better than 9th this year (which is where I have finished the last two years).

Fantasy Football Roster

Here's the 2008 edition of my football team, named "SweetMerciful Crap":

QB: Ben Roethlisberger
RB's: Ladanian Tomlinson, Earnest Graham
WR's: Reggie Wayne, Braylon Edwards, Nate Burleson
TE: Jason Witten
K: Nate Kaeding
D/ST: Giants

Bench:
WR: Santana Moss, Dwayne Bowe, Isaac Bruce, Amani Toomer
RB: Maurice Morris
QB: Phillip Rivers
D/ST: 49ers

Stimulus

Hey...I finally got my tax return AND stimulus check. It took long enough. I think they took out some extra for themselves, but this is free money nonetheless. In thinking of ways to spend this free money, I realized that I've been selfish and only thinking of ways to spend it on myself and not spending it on the economy, which is what the check is for, right? So instead of stimulating myself, here are some potential ways I can stimulate the economy:

1. I could go to the Keeneland September Horse Sales and buy into the horse racing industry. However, I could probably only buy a really cheap horse named "Glue Stick".

2. I could use my new-found money to help people by solving mysteries with my friends and driving around in a van. I think its been done before, though.

3. I could donate it to one or both the Presidential candidates and use my money to gain power and influence in the White House. I could be the next Assistant to the Under Secretary of Delegation. Sounds official, anyway.

4. I could use it to buy naming rights to a new arena or stadium somewhere. I'd call it "Stimulus Stadium" or, in Cleveland, "Second Place Ain't So Bad Arena", or "We're Just Happy To Be Here Stadium", or "Wait Till Next Year Stadium".

5. I could buy teeth for everyone in Kentucky.

6. I could bribe the Olympic Committee and force them to get rid of the following sports: rythmic gymnastics, trampoline (please), syncronized diving, power walking (not a sport), beach volleyball, handball, and curling (oh my god, please). I would also use my influence and bribe them to bring back the tug of war. Could you imagine how awesome that would be? I'd watch it. In fact...

7. I could finance the U.S. Olympic Tug Of War Team. I could do all the recruiting right here in Kentucky, after I buy teeth for all of them. Actually, they'd be scarier without teeth. Hmmm...

8. OR, I could use it to pay rent next month, but that's being selfish.

Wisdom From Mr. Chambers...

From the July 29 entry in My Utmost For His Highest:

"It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials: through every cloud he brings, He wants us to unlearn something."

Reunion Observations...

Just went to my 20th reunion this past weekend. Had a great time reconnecting with my friends. I even met some people in my class for the first time. Weird. Anyway, here's some observations I made:

I really didn't know that many people I went to school with. I realized this when my good friends showed up. I had much more to talk about with them and really struggled to talk to other people that I knew. They would be called "acquaintances". I had memories, stories and common experiences to share with my good friends.

Some people in my class actually looked better than they did in high school. This goes against the prevailing wisdom that good looks go down the tubes after college. Yes, some of the guys did get heavier (and so did some women), but many of us lost weight (gained weight in my case) and look better for it. Now, some of these good looks may be attributed to various surgeries, but I didn't have time to ask everyone if they'd had such procedures done.

The 1980's was the best decade to attend high school. We had much better music, better movies, no cell phones, no internet and we still survived. No other decade can claim this, except maybe the 1950's. Also, 1988 was the best year in the 80's to graduate from high school. Consequently, the early 1990's were the best years to attend college. 'Nuff said.

Apparently, some women I went to school with developed the Wisconsin/Michigan/Dakota accent and I wasn't aware of it. The most shocking development for me was the obvious accent attributed to the northern plains region of our country. I had no idea how prevalent this was in Northeast Ohio. Maybe they're all from North Dakota and the accent was hidden from me all these years, dontcha know. Youbetcha.

My friends are really fun people. We weren't the popular kids in school, but I knew even back then that they were good people. They still are. We stayed up late, had fun and swapped some stories. We didn't even talk about the past that much.

Hopefully, I'll be less of a dufus and communicate better with my friends after reunion. And maybe I won't have to wait for the 25th to see them again.

Prom

There's nothing like prom drama to end your high school career:

So, I really wanted to ask this girl I liked. We'll call her girl A. So I asked and she told me she was already going with this other guy. No problem. So I ask girl B, who was a good friend. She wanted to go with me, but she was already going with her boyfriend. No prob. I ask girl C, who told me that another girl (girl D) wanted to go with me. I said, "But girl D already has a boyfriend." Girl C replied, "But they're going to his prom at his school. D wants to go with you to ours. But if D says no, I'll go with you." So, I told girl D that I would go with her, and she said yes.

Later that weekend, girl D calls me and says that she and her boyfriend are going to our prom now, so tough luck. I get back to girl C and tell her the situation, but she's already going with someone else. So I ask girl E. She says she's interested, but another guy asked her already, but she didn't give him a response. Next day E says no to me and yes to the other guy. So, then I ask girl F. Two years prior I went to homecoming with F and had a good time, so I figured we'd have a good time again. F says yes. I had forgotten what that word sounded like.

So off we go to the prom with two other couples. Dinner was great, and then prom sucked. She got mad at me for something (yelled at me actually) and then I was done with prom. Forever. And that's my great prom story.

Footnote: Later that summer girl B told me she should have gone to prom with me. No duh. I could've told B that.

Here's How I Almost Died On Stage

Every year, my high school hosted a "talent" show where we were allowed to try out different acts and bore people to death. My group of friends and I started a little tradition (a tradition that lasted 2 years) of putting on Monty Python skits. I was very proud of these little skits as they broke the monotony of solos, duets, dance numbers, ensemble numbers, and bad hair bands that made up the rest of the show.

My senior year, we put on a skit called "Dirty Fork". Pretty much, a customer notices a dirty fork, the entire restaurant staff freak out, and hilarity ensues. My part was the manager of the restaurant. Midway through, I stab myself with the fork and die on the lap of my friend Angie.

On the last night, I decide to fall off of her lap and onto the stage floor. I'm lying on my back, minding my own business in front of 200 people and then my friend Dave enters the stage. He played a freaked out chef who tries to kill the customers. On this night, he decided to "go for it" and flip over the table. Sounded good to me, and probably looked good to the audience (they laughed really hard) until said table edge came crashing down on my neck.

I was still laughing, but in a little pain. I came off the stage and the stage manager asked if I was OK. She said she "thought I was dead and would have to call the ambulance". I didn't see it that way, but I would've panicked too if I saw a table bounce off someone's neck on my stage.

So, I had a good story to tell and a nasty red streak on my neck for the next week. People asked if it was a hickey and I said, "No, just a Monty Python skit".

Another Band Story

Here's another great band story for ya:

Again, it was my freshman year, but now I'm in Symphonic Band instead of marching band. The director had sent me to the office for something, and upon my return to my seat in the back of the band room I decided to "be cool" and walk over some chairs instead of walking around them. In my coolness, the chairs beneath me decided to give way and I was sent down to the hard floor on my back. Everybody gasped, stopped playing and just stared at me. Ms. McNeil said, "Josh, are you alright?". The first words out of my mouth were, "I think I fell". Everybody laughed. It was a hit. But seriously, that's all I could think of saying. I was so embarrassed nothing else made sense.

The 20th

To commemorate the 20th anniversary of my completion of high school, I have decided to share some of my fondest, if not most embarrassing memories from that period of time. No doubt high school is a hotbed of unique and embarrassing moments, and I have no shortage of them. So, to start off, here's my most embarrassing moment - ever. I believe it was fall of my freshman year...(cue wavy lines ala Wayne's World)...

I was a very good marcher. The band geeks of band geeks. I memorized all my music, knew all the moves, and had everything just right. Then, the rain came down on my early career, thus almost ending my life. Here's how it went down:

Last game of the season. The field is total mud around the 50 yard line. I had this move where I pretty much have to run backwards and pivot 45 degrees on the 50 and continue marching backwards to the 40. I knew in band practice that week that I was as good as dead. I wrote out a short will, said my goodbyes to the family and headed off to my last football game ever.

And then it started to rain. Again. The field was already good and muddy and I guess I needed just a little more to kill myself. So backwards I march. And pivot I did. And then, nothing. I felt no ground beneath me, for I was airborne. Free as a flightless bird on a cold and rainy night.

When my feet did finally hit the ground, my awesomely crappy and tractionless band shoes were worthless to me. I looked like Shaggy or Scooby Doo when they tried to get away from the bad guy. Running, but going nowhere. Then, to my dismay, I started to fall backwards. I was goin down. Bigtime. Right on the 50.

Then, to my surprise, two arms came between my arms and held me in place. These two arms even dragged me to my final spot on the 40. I turned around and saw my lineleader, Suzie Kinstle prop me up in place. I said a quiet and humbled, "thanks", but that was all I could get out. She saved my young life. We never discussed it again.

I was very thankful that we didn't have any moves the next number. I just stood in place and pretended to play as I watched the flag corp perform in front of me. I was in shock. A little tear formed in one of my eye ducts, but went nowhere. I had been spared the horrible fate of falling backwards in the mud, thus causing everyone in front of me to fall on top of me. Actually, that would have been awesome. That would be a much better story than this one.

Man, I hope someone got that on video. I'd love to see my impression of Scooby Doo right there on the 50. Anyway, that's my story. Hope you liked it. More to come later.

I've Figured Out Lost

For all you Lost fans out there, I've finally figured it all out. Seriously. I now know the origin of "The Others". The island is the final destination of "The Others" from another world. They are aliens from another planet. Here's how it works:

See, the creators of Lost are pretty detailed in their clue-giving. A new character on Lost is named Cassandra Staples Lewis; as in C.S. Lewis. Any time a philosopher, writer, or whoever is mentioned on the show, that represents a clue to an aspect of the shows plot. I just finished reading Prince Caspian in which Aslan the Lion reveals that the Telmarines who took over Narnia are not original residents of that world; they belonged somewhere else. He then creates a door into their original world that transports them to an island. Some go back, some stay in Narnia. Regardless, I believe that the writers of Lost will use that (or something similar) in future episodes to explain the appearance of The Others, not to mention their seeming eternal-ness and strange powers.

I know, I'm a genius. Let the accolades begin.

Hey, Guess What? Beer and Cheese Don't Go Together.

Figured this out at my birthday suaree Saturday night at the Pub. Got some Strongbow cider with my dinner and then was offered some awesome cheesecake for dessert.

Remember that Little Rascals episode where Spanky ate a hot dog and some ice cream and they showed a picture of his stomach and the hot dog and the sundae were dukin' it out causing Spanky to spend the next few days in the bathroom/outhouse? Yeah, that's about what the beer and cheesecake did to me, except it was more like a science lab than a boxing ring.

Imagine that the beer was in a test tube and the cheesecake was added, causing an explosion so ferocious that the lab had to be quarantined for a week. The result for me was uncontrolled burping for the next few hours, and the missing of church the next day.

Lesson Learned: I've gotta get the Little Rascals on DVD.

I'm Baking

Something odd is going on in my kitchen - I'm actually baking stuff. Cookies, actually. I've made chocolate chip, oatmeal chocolate chip, and oatmeal peanut butter chocolate chip. And get this, the cookies are pretty good. People like them. I haven't burned a single one either. I've done better making cookies from scratch than pulling them out of a package and sticking them on a cookie sheet.

Here's a list of things I've "baked" in the oven up until a few weeks ago:

• tater tots (lots of tots)
• frozen pizza
• cold pizza (in the box)
• bagels
• packaged cookies
• dirty dishes

And just why am I making cookies, you ask (I know you are)? Pretty much, I'm bored. I really need something better to do at home than watch TV and sit around. I just lost my free membership to the gym and I need something to do. I feel like I'm accomplishing something by doing something simple that I've never done before. And so far, I'm good at it. My place smells great too.

What I Don't Want For My Birthday

Please do not do this for my birthday. If you do, I will puke all over you. I will not have my birthday party here, no matter how much fun you may have watching me suffer. I can't understand why anyone would do this.

Milestones In Youth Ministry, Part 3

Tortured, tortured youth, when will you cease tormenting me? These are words I have often said to myself throughout my journey with youth these past 10 years. Even though I have had many wonderful encounters/conversations/dialogues/moments with youth, I have also had my share of tortured moments that I have previously discussed in this blog.

To date:

• I myself have been beaten, egged, doused, thrown in multiple pools, shaving creamed, silly stringed, air horned, laser tagged, paint balled, pellet gunned, frisbeed, jumped, and just plain attacked.
• My apartment has been toilet papered, snow balled, and rearranged while I was out. I actually liked it better after they changed things up.
• My car (my poor car) has been toilet papered, tampon-ed, shaving creamed, painted, hijacked, moved, saran wrapped, diapered, construction barrelled, and just plain abused from inside and out. It was also utilized for a long jump competition.

And this is all from kids I actually liked.

Just last week I was ambushed at someones house with shaving cream, an air horn and silly string. But don't worry, the offenders were beaten severely with approval from their parents. The kids were more surprised than I was. You would think by this time that they learned their lesson. But for those involved with youth ministry, we all know that they never do. They just keep coming back for more and more, and more...I'm getting a little too old for this.

Natural Bridge Video

Here's a video of Eric Marshall (senior at Dunbar) surfing the stairs down Devil's Gulch at Natural Bridge State Park in Slade, Kentucky.

Natural Bridge Pics 3.31.08

Taking One For the Team

There are moments in your life when you know that something bad is coming your way and you know that there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. An oncoming meteor, another season of American Idol, and Presidential elections are examples of such an event. Men all face a common fear/dread in their lives and they know its going to happen at some time in their duration on this planet: they're going to get hit in the crotch with something. Most often this something is a ball of some sort; on America's Funniest Videos it's usually a baseball bat or some kid just punching their dad. We all know it's going to happen, we all try to prepare for it, but sometimes you just gotta take it like a man.

I took it like a man this Saturday morning in Lexington, Kentucky. What I remember is this: I was at a lock in for the youth and we were playing indoor soccer against some super-scary good soccer players from a Hispanic church. I was on defense and was doing pretty well against them too. Then I saw it. One of the kids on the other team lined up a shot about 20 feet away from me. As soon as I saw him stop and plant his left foot next to the ball, I knew exactly where that ball was going: my crotch.

I don't how I knew this, but I just did. Maybe it's my age and experience, or just good instinct, but I knew. The ball left his foot and made a beeline for the area on my body just about 3 feet off the floor, almost like it was a self-guided heat-seeking missile programmed to hit the nearest guy in the crotch.

It happened so fast that I didn't have time to react. I just stood there and took it. It hurt, but without that all-body-encompassing pain that usually accompanies such an injury (guys know what I'm talkin' about). But as I went down, I kept thinking about how funny it was that I knew it would happen. So funny, in fact, that I started laughing. So I lay there on the gym floor, surrounded by high school kids, in pain, in the fetal position, laughing. I even laughed on my way to the bleachers.