Taking One For the Team

There are moments in your life when you know that something bad is coming your way and you know that there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. An oncoming meteor, another season of American Idol, and Presidential elections are examples of such an event. Men all face a common fear/dread in their lives and they know its going to happen at some time in their duration on this planet: they're going to get hit in the crotch with something. Most often this something is a ball of some sort; on America's Funniest Videos it's usually a baseball bat or some kid just punching their dad. We all know it's going to happen, we all try to prepare for it, but sometimes you just gotta take it like a man.

I took it like a man this Saturday morning in Lexington, Kentucky. What I remember is this: I was at a lock in for the youth and we were playing indoor soccer against some super-scary good soccer players from a Hispanic church. I was on defense and was doing pretty well against them too. Then I saw it. One of the kids on the other team lined up a shot about 20 feet away from me. As soon as I saw him stop and plant his left foot next to the ball, I knew exactly where that ball was going: my crotch.

I don't how I knew this, but I just did. Maybe it's my age and experience, or just good instinct, but I knew. The ball left his foot and made a beeline for the area on my body just about 3 feet off the floor, almost like it was a self-guided heat-seeking missile programmed to hit the nearest guy in the crotch.

It happened so fast that I didn't have time to react. I just stood there and took it. It hurt, but without that all-body-encompassing pain that usually accompanies such an injury (guys know what I'm talkin' about). But as I went down, I kept thinking about how funny it was that I knew it would happen. So funny, in fact, that I started laughing. So I lay there on the gym floor, surrounded by high school kids, in pain, in the fetal position, laughing. I even laughed on my way to the bleachers.