Up until a few weeks ago, my life was pretty, no very, routine. I had things to do, but they all fell within my daily regimine of boredom. I had always seen my life as very routine, dull, lacking a certain something - we'll call it vitality. I had a pretty boring job. It wasn't very challenging, but I had some friends there, and it was comfortable. My whole life was comfortable. I was unhappy, but I was comfortable.
Along comes the new job. If you've read my previous post, you know my thoughts. Today, my 4th day on the job, I've realized that this job is more boring and less rewarding than the job I left. Even though I do get paid more, it comes at a great price - tedium. As I made my 30th phone call today, I felt this overwhelming sense of purposelessness. "Why am I doing this?", I asked myself. "Only 2 more hours", I said. I tried to cheer myself up all day.
I also wondered if I had made a mistake in leaving my old job. Was the sacrifice necessary? Could I have stayed there? I went back and forth, but finally came to the conclusion that leaving was necessary, despite my current discomfort. I was too comfortable there, and I needed a push. This new job may not be the ultimate destination of that push, but it has been a big push indeed. As stated in my previous post, I have been able to focus on the meaning of life (my life especially), and to desire that which is truly good. I've been evaluating my life more closely too. I am not content with going through the motions of work-a-day life as I was before, because each day I ask myself if what I did today made any difference what so ever.
Before, I was able to shut my mind off and go through the motions. Now I can't shut it off. I'm always thinking about these things, and it really bothers me. I miss my old, boring life. It was much simpler. Not very complicated at all. Now, there have been some intense moments, but they were few and far between. I miss that. Now I know that my life is boring and I hate knowing that...
20 November 2006
17 November 2006
The Death of a Salesman
I know i haven't posted anything in about 5 months, but this event made me do it. If you know me well, you would know that I am "vocationally challenged." Despite the fact that I possess a master's degree, I don't have a job that befits that degree. Ideally, I would be teaching or pastoring somewhere. But, due to circumstances, I'm just not. It's been very humbling (read "humiliating") to still be in the same spot I was 4 years ago. I have grown spiritually and personally, but I can't put those things on a resume.
So along comes this job that offers more money and more responsibility. It seems great. So I dump my old job to launch myself into a new stage in my life, only to find that I don't want it. I have been jolted into the fact that I'm really a creative person; I just didn't know it until this job attempted to suck the life out of me. I find myself wanting to write, read, teach, create, help; anything that promotes the well being and betterment of other people and myself. Again, I didn't realize this until I stepped into this new job. Its like eating something and having an immediate allergic reaction. You didn't know peanuts would do that to you until you ate them.
So, 2.5 days into this new job, I don't want it anymore. I don't want to go back there on Monday, except to resign. I want a mindless job where I can think about good things there and at while at home. I want a place that will enable me to do what needs to be done to glorify God. For some, its sales. For me, its not sales. This new job is life-consuming. I want my life to be consumed by what glorifies God in my life. Now, I'm not saying that this is a horrible job. For some people, its the job of a lifetime. Work is good. God honors work. But I don't feel like I am honoring God by being there. I feel a definite pull in another direction. This is also not a Christian v. Secular vocation thing, either. I was totally ready to work in any workspace and do my best. I do feel that God calls some of us to do that. But I see God moving me towards a more creative and helping ministry. I don't know...I'm taking everyone's input. Tell me what you think...
So along comes this job that offers more money and more responsibility. It seems great. So I dump my old job to launch myself into a new stage in my life, only to find that I don't want it. I have been jolted into the fact that I'm really a creative person; I just didn't know it until this job attempted to suck the life out of me. I find myself wanting to write, read, teach, create, help; anything that promotes the well being and betterment of other people and myself. Again, I didn't realize this until I stepped into this new job. Its like eating something and having an immediate allergic reaction. You didn't know peanuts would do that to you until you ate them.
So, 2.5 days into this new job, I don't want it anymore. I don't want to go back there on Monday, except to resign. I want a mindless job where I can think about good things there and at while at home. I want a place that will enable me to do what needs to be done to glorify God. For some, its sales. For me, its not sales. This new job is life-consuming. I want my life to be consumed by what glorifies God in my life. Now, I'm not saying that this is a horrible job. For some people, its the job of a lifetime. Work is good. God honors work. But I don't feel like I am honoring God by being there. I feel a definite pull in another direction. This is also not a Christian v. Secular vocation thing, either. I was totally ready to work in any workspace and do my best. I do feel that God calls some of us to do that. But I see God moving me towards a more creative and helping ministry. I don't know...I'm taking everyone's input. Tell me what you think...
18 June 2006
Second Tour of Duty in Mississippi
I just got back last night from Gulfport, MS. I went down with a couple of churches from Lexington and some youth from YFC. We got to help 4 different families this time. The first family needed their floor torn out. We discovered termite damage, water damage and fire damage to their main supports for the house. Its amazing what you discover when you dig deep enough. They really appreciated it too. They told us how they literally floated down the street in 5 feet of water looking for help and each other.
The next house, or farm, was out in the middle of nowhere. It took us about an hour to get there. Upon entering, we were greeted by chickens, goats, dogs, geese and ducks. Then the family came out of their trailer. They had nothing left but a concrete slab, a piano, and a burned out oak tree. Apparently, the hurricane had knocked the tree down into their house and then it caught fire. And they had no insurance. And the mother was going through chemotherapy. Our job was to cut down the tree and take the wood out to the field. I have no idea what they're going to do. It seemed so insignificant for us to take care of this tree when they needed so much more.
Our next assignment was to settle a neighborhood dispute over a fallen tree. Apparently, the neighbors were complaining that this certain family had never taken care of a tree that had fallen over into someone else's yard. So, we took care of it. I got to use a chainsaw too.
Our next case took us to the bayou. This family needed help putting a floor in their house. They were very appreciative and fun to work with. They also told us about the 20 feet of water that filled their house. And how they heard the president fly over their house after the hurricane. And how they filled their days with waiting in lines for gas, water and food. They cleaned out the house themselves. The wife also filled her lungs with harmful black mold that had infested their house. She had to go to the hospital for a few days.
We also got to serve dinner to about 300 middle school students and youth pastors who were helping out down there. It was a very interesting and diverse week. Overall, I realized that I can't imagine what it's like to lose your house, your health, your possessions, and be totally dependent on others. I've always been pretty self sufficient. But what I learned from these people is how distracted I really am. I love music, I love TV. I love filling my life with distractions. But they have learned to go without these. One woman said that she had grown even closer to God after losing their home because all of those distractions floated down the river. Even though its been 10 months, there is so much work to do. If you can find the time, please go and help.
Two great quotes that I heard from survivors this week:
"If you can't eat it or wear it, you don't need it."
"When you're reduced to nothing, God meets you there."
The next house, or farm, was out in the middle of nowhere. It took us about an hour to get there. Upon entering, we were greeted by chickens, goats, dogs, geese and ducks. Then the family came out of their trailer. They had nothing left but a concrete slab, a piano, and a burned out oak tree. Apparently, the hurricane had knocked the tree down into their house and then it caught fire. And they had no insurance. And the mother was going through chemotherapy. Our job was to cut down the tree and take the wood out to the field. I have no idea what they're going to do. It seemed so insignificant for us to take care of this tree when they needed so much more.
Our next assignment was to settle a neighborhood dispute over a fallen tree. Apparently, the neighbors were complaining that this certain family had never taken care of a tree that had fallen over into someone else's yard. So, we took care of it. I got to use a chainsaw too.
Our next case took us to the bayou. This family needed help putting a floor in their house. They were very appreciative and fun to work with. They also told us about the 20 feet of water that filled their house. And how they heard the president fly over their house after the hurricane. And how they filled their days with waiting in lines for gas, water and food. They cleaned out the house themselves. The wife also filled her lungs with harmful black mold that had infested their house. She had to go to the hospital for a few days.
We also got to serve dinner to about 300 middle school students and youth pastors who were helping out down there. It was a very interesting and diverse week. Overall, I realized that I can't imagine what it's like to lose your house, your health, your possessions, and be totally dependent on others. I've always been pretty self sufficient. But what I learned from these people is how distracted I really am. I love music, I love TV. I love filling my life with distractions. But they have learned to go without these. One woman said that she had grown even closer to God after losing their home because all of those distractions floated down the river. Even though its been 10 months, there is so much work to do. If you can find the time, please go and help.
Two great quotes that I heard from survivors this week:
"If you can't eat it or wear it, you don't need it."
"When you're reduced to nothing, God meets you there."
04 June 2006
Help!!!
I have no blogging skills. I have no time to post anything (except for today, of course). I need your help beautifying this space. I would love to know how to create links on the right side of the page. I have some, but if you click on them, they go to other places. I don't get it. I followed the instructions, but got lost on the way. I would also like to create lists and other things, but have no idea how to do so. If any of you could lend me a hand, that would be great. I'll buy you a coke. By the way, I'm going for a second tour of duty down to Gulfport for hurricane relief next week. I'll give a full report when I return, I promise.
28 April 2006
Revelation on Speaker Phone
Here's a short story: So, the other night I'm teaching Revelation to the high school kids, and we get a phone call during study. This girl asks to be put on speaker phone so she can listen to the group. She asked questions too. I've never done a bible study over speaker phone before. It was pretty cool. And by the way, Bob Mulholland's Revelation study in the Journey Through the Bible series is excellent. Even high school kids like it. It's kid approved!!!
20 April 2006
This is an article that I wrote for relevantmagazine.com called "Eating Broccoli"
“Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.” – Psalm 81:10b
I like broccoli. Really. But I couldn’t say that when I was two (back to this in a moment). When I first read this verse and pondered what it was saying (or trying to say), the thought that came to my mind was, “What a strange thing for God to say”. But when I thought about it, two pictures came to mind (which is probably what the Psalmist was trying to get me to do). In one I picture I saw a nest of baby birds eagerly awaiting the “feast” (probably worms) that their mother would bring home to them. As soon as she lands at the nest, all of their mouths are W I D E open to receive whatever she has for them (again, worms). In another picture I saw a kid in a high chair (actually it was me in a flashback) who is also eagerly awaiting the feast that is coming for them. But, unlike the nest of baby birds, I am unwilling to eat the broccoli that was set before me because I didn’t like it. Sometimes I liked what was set in front of me (Jell-O, pudding, ice cream), but after a while, my tastes developed and I began to favor the Jell-O food group over most vegetables. Despite my parents arguments trying to convince me of the nutritional value of broccoli and the benefits broccoli would give me when I got older, I still insisted on not eating it. Eventually I would eat it, but not all of it because it usually ended up on the floor, the ceiling or the wall (problem solved).
In the context of Psalm 81, the psalmist is encouraging Israel to remember God and the things He has done for them in the past and what He will do for them in the future if they follow Him. He delivered them from slavery (v. 5-7) and promises to deliver them in the future (v. 14) and to satisfy them with good things (v. 16). Unfortunately, Israel did not listen to God and became stubborn (v. 11-12). They did not “open wide” their mouths and let God fill them. God laments over Israel’s choice not to follow Him (v. 8, 10-11). Now they must bear the consequence of their disobedience, which is separation from Him and subjugation by their enemies (v. 12-15). What was their problem? Obviously, we have the gift of hindsight and can clearly point to the fact that the nation of Israel had a severe trust issue with God and did not see Him as the solution to their problems and therefore turned to other things, people and ideas around them to find fulfillment and peace. But lets put ourselves in their place …Which of the two pictures best represents you? Do you eagerly await the wonderful things (spiritual and physical) that God has for you, or do you become impatient and take for yourself the things (spiritual and physical) that the world offers? Do we walk in the ways of contentment with God, or do we walk in the ways of Israel?
In all honesty, if we compared what God offers to what the world offers, we would see that what the world offers is often shinier, faster, sleeker and just plain cooler. But upon closer inspection, we would find that these things are made of plastic. They are fakes. They don’t last. They are imitations and feeble attempts to duplicate what God offers. And deep down, we all know this. We all know that we should listen to our parents and eat our lima beans, eggplant, squash and stuffed peppers (feel free to insert your own gross veggies here), but we have found that there are other things out there that aren’t as good for us, but they taste better to us. What God offers is good for us and it is eternal. It benefits us and those around us. We often can’t see the end results and for us that requires a lot of patience. We need to wait in eager expectation, much like those baby birds in the nest who completely trust their mother to feed them with good things. They don’t sniff the food or poke at it, they don’t throw it at each other or the walls and they don’t ask, “what’s this?”. They simply trust that what they are getting is the best. Do we trust God with what He gives us? Can we wait for God to come and feed us? Much like Israel, I believe that God laments over our choices not to wait for Him and to take what the world offers. Are we able to open wide our mouths, so that God can fill it with good things? What kind of people would we be if we waited on God to fill us?
I like broccoli. Really. But I couldn’t say that when I was two (back to this in a moment). When I first read this verse and pondered what it was saying (or trying to say), the thought that came to my mind was, “What a strange thing for God to say”. But when I thought about it, two pictures came to mind (which is probably what the Psalmist was trying to get me to do). In one I picture I saw a nest of baby birds eagerly awaiting the “feast” (probably worms) that their mother would bring home to them. As soon as she lands at the nest, all of their mouths are W I D E open to receive whatever she has for them (again, worms). In another picture I saw a kid in a high chair (actually it was me in a flashback) who is also eagerly awaiting the feast that is coming for them. But, unlike the nest of baby birds, I am unwilling to eat the broccoli that was set before me because I didn’t like it. Sometimes I liked what was set in front of me (Jell-O, pudding, ice cream), but after a while, my tastes developed and I began to favor the Jell-O food group over most vegetables. Despite my parents arguments trying to convince me of the nutritional value of broccoli and the benefits broccoli would give me when I got older, I still insisted on not eating it. Eventually I would eat it, but not all of it because it usually ended up on the floor, the ceiling or the wall (problem solved).
In the context of Psalm 81, the psalmist is encouraging Israel to remember God and the things He has done for them in the past and what He will do for them in the future if they follow Him. He delivered them from slavery (v. 5-7) and promises to deliver them in the future (v. 14) and to satisfy them with good things (v. 16). Unfortunately, Israel did not listen to God and became stubborn (v. 11-12). They did not “open wide” their mouths and let God fill them. God laments over Israel’s choice not to follow Him (v. 8, 10-11). Now they must bear the consequence of their disobedience, which is separation from Him and subjugation by their enemies (v. 12-15). What was their problem? Obviously, we have the gift of hindsight and can clearly point to the fact that the nation of Israel had a severe trust issue with God and did not see Him as the solution to their problems and therefore turned to other things, people and ideas around them to find fulfillment and peace. But lets put ourselves in their place …Which of the two pictures best represents you? Do you eagerly await the wonderful things (spiritual and physical) that God has for you, or do you become impatient and take for yourself the things (spiritual and physical) that the world offers? Do we walk in the ways of contentment with God, or do we walk in the ways of Israel?
In all honesty, if we compared what God offers to what the world offers, we would see that what the world offers is often shinier, faster, sleeker and just plain cooler. But upon closer inspection, we would find that these things are made of plastic. They are fakes. They don’t last. They are imitations and feeble attempts to duplicate what God offers. And deep down, we all know this. We all know that we should listen to our parents and eat our lima beans, eggplant, squash and stuffed peppers (feel free to insert your own gross veggies here), but we have found that there are other things out there that aren’t as good for us, but they taste better to us. What God offers is good for us and it is eternal. It benefits us and those around us. We often can’t see the end results and for us that requires a lot of patience. We need to wait in eager expectation, much like those baby birds in the nest who completely trust their mother to feed them with good things. They don’t sniff the food or poke at it, they don’t throw it at each other or the walls and they don’t ask, “what’s this?”. They simply trust that what they are getting is the best. Do we trust God with what He gives us? Can we wait for God to come and feed us? Much like Israel, I believe that God laments over our choices not to wait for Him and to take what the world offers. Are we able to open wide our mouths, so that God can fill it with good things? What kind of people would we be if we waited on God to fill us?
Let's Try This One
Well, here's my second attempt at doing this. Let's hope its better than The Springfield Shopper. I'll be constantly revising this, so be patient...
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