Here's How I Almost Died On Stage

Every year, my high school hosted a "talent" show where we were allowed to try out different acts and bore people to death. My group of friends and I started a little tradition (a tradition that lasted 2 years) of putting on Monty Python skits. I was very proud of these little skits as they broke the monotony of solos, duets, dance numbers, ensemble numbers, and bad hair bands that made up the rest of the show.

My senior year, we put on a skit called "Dirty Fork". Pretty much, a customer notices a dirty fork, the entire restaurant staff freak out, and hilarity ensues. My part was the manager of the restaurant. Midway through, I stab myself with the fork and die on the lap of my friend Angie.

On the last night, I decide to fall off of her lap and onto the stage floor. I'm lying on my back, minding my own business in front of 200 people and then my friend Dave enters the stage. He played a freaked out chef who tries to kill the customers. On this night, he decided to "go for it" and flip over the table. Sounded good to me, and probably looked good to the audience (they laughed really hard) until said table edge came crashing down on my neck.

I was still laughing, but in a little pain. I came off the stage and the stage manager asked if I was OK. She said she "thought I was dead and would have to call the ambulance". I didn't see it that way, but I would've panicked too if I saw a table bounce off someone's neck on my stage.

So, I had a good story to tell and a nasty red streak on my neck for the next week. People asked if it was a hickey and I said, "No, just a Monty Python skit".