The 20th

To commemorate the 20th anniversary of my completion of high school, I have decided to share some of my fondest, if not most embarrassing memories from that period of time. No doubt high school is a hotbed of unique and embarrassing moments, and I have no shortage of them. So, to start off, here's my most embarrassing moment - ever. I believe it was fall of my freshman year...(cue wavy lines ala Wayne's World)...

I was a very good marcher. The band geeks of band geeks. I memorized all my music, knew all the moves, and had everything just right. Then, the rain came down on my early career, thus almost ending my life. Here's how it went down:

Last game of the season. The field is total mud around the 50 yard line. I had this move where I pretty much have to run backwards and pivot 45 degrees on the 50 and continue marching backwards to the 40. I knew in band practice that week that I was as good as dead. I wrote out a short will, said my goodbyes to the family and headed off to my last football game ever.

And then it started to rain. Again. The field was already good and muddy and I guess I needed just a little more to kill myself. So backwards I march. And pivot I did. And then, nothing. I felt no ground beneath me, for I was airborne. Free as a flightless bird on a cold and rainy night.

When my feet did finally hit the ground, my awesomely crappy and tractionless band shoes were worthless to me. I looked like Shaggy or Scooby Doo when they tried to get away from the bad guy. Running, but going nowhere. Then, to my dismay, I started to fall backwards. I was goin down. Bigtime. Right on the 50.

Then, to my surprise, two arms came between my arms and held me in place. These two arms even dragged me to my final spot on the 40. I turned around and saw my lineleader, Suzie Kinstle prop me up in place. I said a quiet and humbled, "thanks", but that was all I could get out. She saved my young life. We never discussed it again.

I was very thankful that we didn't have any moves the next number. I just stood in place and pretended to play as I watched the flag corp perform in front of me. I was in shock. A little tear formed in one of my eye ducts, but went nowhere. I had been spared the horrible fate of falling backwards in the mud, thus causing everyone in front of me to fall on top of me. Actually, that would have been awesome. That would be a much better story than this one.

Man, I hope someone got that on video. I'd love to see my impression of Scooby Doo right there on the 50. Anyway, that's my story. Hope you liked it. More to come later.

I've Figured Out Lost

For all you Lost fans out there, I've finally figured it all out. Seriously. I now know the origin of "The Others". The island is the final destination of "The Others" from another world. They are aliens from another planet. Here's how it works:

See, the creators of Lost are pretty detailed in their clue-giving. A new character on Lost is named Cassandra Staples Lewis; as in C.S. Lewis. Any time a philosopher, writer, or whoever is mentioned on the show, that represents a clue to an aspect of the shows plot. I just finished reading Prince Caspian in which Aslan the Lion reveals that the Telmarines who took over Narnia are not original residents of that world; they belonged somewhere else. He then creates a door into their original world that transports them to an island. Some go back, some stay in Narnia. Regardless, I believe that the writers of Lost will use that (or something similar) in future episodes to explain the appearance of The Others, not to mention their seeming eternal-ness and strange powers.

I know, I'm a genius. Let the accolades begin.

Hey, Guess What? Beer and Cheese Don't Go Together.

Figured this out at my birthday suaree Saturday night at the Pub. Got some Strongbow cider with my dinner and then was offered some awesome cheesecake for dessert.

Remember that Little Rascals episode where Spanky ate a hot dog and some ice cream and they showed a picture of his stomach and the hot dog and the sundae were dukin' it out causing Spanky to spend the next few days in the bathroom/outhouse? Yeah, that's about what the beer and cheesecake did to me, except it was more like a science lab than a boxing ring.

Imagine that the beer was in a test tube and the cheesecake was added, causing an explosion so ferocious that the lab had to be quarantined for a week. The result for me was uncontrolled burping for the next few hours, and the missing of church the next day.

Lesson Learned: I've gotta get the Little Rascals on DVD.