I Miss My Boring Life

Up until a few weeks ago, my life was pretty, no very, routine. I had things to do, but they all fell within my daily regimine of boredom. I had always seen my life as very routine, dull, lacking a certain something - we'll call it vitality. I had a pretty boring job. It wasn't very challenging, but I had some friends there, and it was comfortable. My whole life was comfortable. I was unhappy, but I was comfortable.

Along comes the new job. If you've read my previous post, you know my thoughts. Today, my 4th day on the job, I've realized that this job is more boring and less rewarding than the job I left. Even though I do get paid more, it comes at a great price - tedium. As I made my 30th phone call today, I felt this overwhelming sense of purposelessness. "Why am I doing this?", I asked myself. "Only 2 more hours", I said. I tried to cheer myself up all day.

I also wondered if I had made a mistake in leaving my old job. Was the sacrifice necessary? Could I have stayed there? I went back and forth, but finally came to the conclusion that leaving was necessary, despite my current discomfort. I was too comfortable there, and I needed a push. This new job may not be the ultimate destination of that push, but it has been a big push indeed. As stated in my previous post, I have been able to focus on the meaning of life (my life especially), and to desire that which is truly good. I've been evaluating my life more closely too. I am not content with going through the motions of work-a-day life as I was before, because each day I ask myself if what I did today made any difference what so ever.

Before, I was able to shut my mind off and go through the motions. Now I can't shut it off. I'm always thinking about these things, and it really bothers me. I miss my old, boring life. It was much simpler. Not very complicated at all. Now, there have been some intense moments, but they were few and far between. I miss that. Now I know that my life is boring and I hate knowing that...

The Death of a Salesman

I know i haven't posted anything in about 5 months, but this event made me do it. If you know me well, you would know that I am "vocationally challenged." Despite the fact that I possess a master's degree, I don't have a job that befits that degree. Ideally, I would be teaching or pastoring somewhere. But, due to circumstances, I'm just not. It's been very humbling (read "humiliating") to still be in the same spot I was 4 years ago. I have grown spiritually and personally, but I can't put those things on a resume.

So along comes this job that offers more money and more responsibility. It seems great. So I dump my old job to launch myself into a new stage in my life, only to find that I don't want it. I have been jolted into the fact that I'm really a creative person; I just didn't know it until this job attempted to suck the life out of me. I find myself wanting to write, read, teach, create, help; anything that promotes the well being and betterment of other people and myself. Again, I didn't realize this until I stepped into this new job. Its like eating something and having an immediate allergic reaction. You didn't know peanuts would do that to you until you ate them.

So, 2.5 days into this new job, I don't want it anymore. I don't want to go back there on Monday, except to resign. I want a mindless job where I can think about good things there and at while at home. I want a place that will enable me to do what needs to be done to glorify God. For some, its sales. For me, its not sales. This new job is life-consuming. I want my life to be consumed by what glorifies God in my life. Now, I'm not saying that this is a horrible job. For some people, its the job of a lifetime. Work is good. God honors work. But I don't feel like I am honoring God by being there. I feel a definite pull in another direction. This is also not a Christian v. Secular vocation thing, either. I was totally ready to work in any workspace and do my best. I do feel that God calls some of us to do that. But I see God moving me towards a more creative and helping ministry. I don't know...I'm taking everyone's input. Tell me what you think...