Latitude/Longitude

I Came Out Of Hiding To Post This...

2009-11-19T17:20:00.002-05:00

This is great, and I hope it's real because its so ridiculous: http://www.masswepray.com/.

The Archbishop, Grace and Sex

2009-03-30T22:03:00.002-04:00

I can't help but post after reading this article in the Atlantic Magazine. Being a member of the Church of England, or the Anglican Church, I am concerned, and a bit amused by the situation/crisis/bugaboo that surrounds my archbishop. This article by Paul Elie does a fantastic job of setting the tense scene that the bishop enters each and every day. I can't imagine being the head of a group that has so many differing opinions on one issue. He is constantly being pulled and tugged each and every way.

But, Mr. Elie reveals the Archbishop's real stance on the issue even though he (the Archbishop) has ridden the fence since he took office. In this section, Elie is addressing the issue of grace, but not grace as most Christians would know it. He is speaking of sexual grace: "Gay people, too, deserve to be wanted sexually-deserve the body's grace."

He is responding to Rowan Williams'(the Archbishop) own statement about grace: "It is this (sexual) discovery which most clearly shows why we might want to talk about grace here. Grace, for the Christian believer, is a transformation that depends in large part on knowing yourself to be seen in a certain way: as significant, as wanted."

Mr. Elie goes further to explain that "sexual fidelity is akin to religious fidelity...For the church to stand in the way of such relationships, straight or gay, is to stand in the way of God's grace." Since when was sex so important that it merited the attention and devotion of the faithful? Hasn't sex been abused, used and lowered enough that people have used it as a tool to get what they want out of life? Why is this author (and others) putting sex on a pedastal? It doesn't deserve the attention we give it. Plain and simple.

I once heard someone say that the downfall of the gay rights movement is the fact that they are defining themselves by who they have sex with. That's it. There is nothing else that defines them. Most likely they feel persecuted (even if they haven't experienced it themselves) and they feel abandoned by the church (even if they've never tried to enter one). Some just assume that Christians will reject them based on their own stereotypes.

Mr. Elie concludes his argument for the ordination of gay bishops by saying: "the ordination of openly gay people as bishops was not only permissible, but full of grace." Again, Mr. Elie is using sex as a tool to get what he wants. He, and others are creating new definitions of grace (now including sex, which I don't think the authors of the Bible intended) so as to usher in a new age in Anglican Church.

He also insulted the African church by saying that their opposition to the ordination of gay bishops was not their own agenda, but was imported from the US, in a new form of "imperialism against the global south". In other words, the global south can't think for itself yet. Again, very typical behavior and language from the liberal left against their own African brothers and sisters.

As of now, the Anglican church will split. Conservative churches like mine have aligned with Africa and are forming our own diocese here in America apart from the Episcopal Church. This debate is no longer a "wedge" issue for us. But, I still feel for the church as a whole as this issue continues to split it apart. I hope that people will stop reinterpreting the Bible and theology to suit their own needs.

The Monster Of Christian Rock

2009-03-08T22:31:00.005-04:00

Even though I have posted about the demise of the Christian music industry before, I never imagined that I would be an eyewitness. Then I went to Winter Jam 2009.

Our youth group went together. I went to show my support for the kids and be supportive and to generally support their activities. Earlier in the week I attended a play that one of our youth was in. A nice, quiet, play. Winter Jam was jammed with about 20,000 kids from all over Kentucky. They really love their Christian music, I guess. I wasn't too excited about the evening's lineup, but I went to support the kids.

The show started with a group of 3rd graders called "Pure NRG", awesomely enough. They pretty much danced around stage with a soundtrack playing in the background. They could've been singing, but I couldn't be sure. They sounded too good for elementary school kids. I was pretty disgusted with this Disney-esque display of talent and then realized that these kids are getting pulled out of school and touring the country to do this. Made me even sicker.

Then this Italian woman came out and sang for us. She was very talented and displayed her great vocal abilities at different times, but her music was uninspiring. I've heard these songs before from other female christian artists. There was nothing unique about her or her music. When she did give the audience a glimpse of her real talent, everyone cheered and squealed like they do on American Idol. I started counting down the minutes until the speaker got up.

But not yet. There was more music to be had. The group NewSong was on stage. These guys have been around for a long time. They just sing. That's it. They started off with some standard church hymns that people here in Kentucky would know, and then they sang some of their signature tunes. One of them had a line that said, "This world has nothing for me". They kept repeating this over and over and over. And then they had us sing it back to them. I felt like I was in Jonestown waiting for the kool aid to be served. I can understand the intent of the message, but the idea that we as Christians have nothing to do with the world, is well, unbiblical. Then they ended the show by making fun of one of their bandmembers from California and sang "Sweet Home Alabama". Awesome.

Finally, I could get a rest from the crappy music when the speaker took the stage. Or so I thought. He replaced crappy music with crappy theology. But before the theology, this middle-aged white guy took a stab at being funny and cool by using phrases, words and gestures that most teens would use these days. He was the typical "Middle Aged Youth Pastor Trying To Get the Attention of the Kids Around Him". It was embarrassing to watch, even when people were laughing at his jokes.

And then, like most speakers, politicians and salesmen who manipulate our emotions, he turned on the audience and talked about death. Specifically, the horrible death that awaits you on your drive home from Rupp Arena. He told stories of teens that died after this and similar events and urged all of us not to make the same mistake they made: "don't leave this room until you know you're going to heaven. This is your last chance".

This was the entirety of the message. No mention was made of what to do with your life in the event that you actually survived the drive home. He was only interested in getting you to heaven, not in helping these kids become solid, dedicated Christ-followers for life.

After this embarrassment, I left to go do something else (I walked around a bit and then called my sister). I missed most of the Jonas Brothers look-alike Disnefied "punk" band (thank God), and then left again to stand in line to eat something. I toyed with the idea of ordering a beer to see what they would do, but I balked. Then "Some Nameless Guy That Sounded Like Every Other Solo Singer You've Ever Heard" sold us his wares and left the stage after a few songs. Apparently one of his songs made it on "Grey's Anatomy". It only made me loathe him all the more. I hate that show.

And then it was time for Toby Mac. I had never seen him perform, so I was anticipating being entertained and enlightened and uplifted above all the mediocrity that had come before. Sadly, He did none of those things. Much like sports teams from the city of Cleveland, he disappointed me greatly. Sure, there was energy. Sure, there was music. But yet again, there was no creativity. He and his "crew" suffer from the same malady as do most Christian bands: they don't produce anything that deserves our attention. It's the same music and the same message that the industry has been pedalling for 15 years, and it's pretty old. But, we're buying it.

All in all, it was pretty crap-tacular. The kids had a great time, and that's important, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for them. They were short changed by these people. They were given a message that probably scared them rather than inspired them. And sadly, this music will go on forever and ever. Toby Mac has been around for 20 years. His audience has not grown with him. He has always attracted teens and continues to do so. I don't know of any adult who follows his career or listens to his music. Probably because its the same stuff he put out when they were kids. I could tell that all of these artists were talented, but they were "handcuffed" by the music that is selling right now.

Things That Are Disappearing In America

2009-02-06T17:33:00.002-05:00

Here's a great article on Crunchy Con that'll make you think about how fast our culture is changing. I'm relatively "young" and can't believe the changes that have occurred in the last 15 years. What if I would've had a cell phone and the interweb when I was in high school?

Quote Of The Week

2009-01-09T22:36:00.002-05:00

"But of course these conjectures as to why God does what He does are probably of no more value than my dog's ideas of what I am up to when I sit and read." CS Lewis, Reflections On the Psalms

As I try to figure out what God is doing in my life, these words are somewhat comforting to me. It means that I really don't and can't know what God is up to. Not because I'm a dog, but because I just have no idea of God's plan. And I don't think I'm supposed to. Some think we can know, but I don't. I guess we just have to keep trusting God even though nothing is happening. I could go on with dog analogies, but it's Friday and I'm tired and I just don't feel like writing about dogs.

Happy New Year! Here's Some Banned Words And Phrases

2009-01-01T12:11:00.003-05:00

Every year, Lake Superior State gives us a list of words and phrases they would like to ban. Here's the list:

• Perfect storm.
• Webinar.
• Waterboarding.
• Organic.
• Wordsmith/ wordsmithing.
• Author/authored.
• Post 9/11.
• Surge.
• Give back.
• 'Blank' is the new 'blank.'
• Black Friday.
• Back in the day.
• Random.
• Sweet.
• Decimate.
• Emotional.
• Pop.
• It is what it is.
• Under the bus.

Here are my additions to their list:

"Pwnd" (for those of you who don't know, this is pronounced, "poned")

"The ATL" as an abbreviation for Atlanta

"Radical Shiite Cleric" in front of Muqtada Al-Sadr every time his name is mentioned

"Evangelical Christian/s/ity"

"Progressive"

"Out Of This World" when describing a space shuttle/station story. We get it.

"Former Soviet Republic" in front of Georgia/Ukraine/Kazahkstan, etc. They've been divorced for almost 20 years now.

"Eight-time Olympic gold medal winner" Michael Phelps.

Christmas In 30 Seconds

2008-12-12T13:21:00.001-05:00

This is the winning video from a contest in England. The challenge was to effectively communicate the message of Christmas in 30 secs.

Really? Seriously?

2008-11-25T22:31:00.003-05:00

Really not much to say here. Except that, I never, ever would have thought any man with a hint of testosterone would ever, ever want to wear this. I just don't get it. Have a great, masculine Thanksgiving. Watch some football, eat some turkey, take a nap.

I'm Going On "Vacation"

2008-11-16T09:12:00.001-05:00

I'll be taking more time off from the internet than usual this week as I will be in Galveston, Texas attempting to clean up after the hurricane that swept thru in September. I'm leaving today and I'll be back on Saturday. If you think of it, pray for our team and the people we'll be ministering to down there. If I can get my camera to work, I'll bring back pictures.

This Just In: I'm Not Ugly

2008-11-10T23:43:00.003-05:00

The following is a part of a conversation between myself and a youth at my church this past Sunday:

Youth: "Hey, y'know what? You're a Wilco (popular alt-country band) guy, right? Well, you know Jeff Tweedy, the singer? You look just like him, except you're not as ugly as he is; cuz he's real ugly."

Me: "Yes he is. He's quite ugly. He wears cool shirts, though."

Change For Change's Sake

2008-11-05T10:23:00.003-05:00

This guy better be good. We've elected a man with hardly any experience, no background, and a Senate voting record that does not reach "across the aisle". In the presidential race and the senate race here in Kentucky, the theme I heard over and over again was,"We need change".

What does that mean?

I didn't hear anything negative about John McCain except that he's associated with George Bush. That's it. One commentator said that there was no way he could've won last night, simply because he's a Republican. If that's true, we are a truly narrow-minded, stupid nation. Jesus and John the Baptist would've lost too (if they were Republicans). Have we come down to labels and associations? Have we gotten away from the issues completely? Do we throw 'em all out because of a few bad ones? This isn't a football team in need of a new coach! This is our freaking President! He will be making decisions that effect us all (and the world).

This is a horrible way to elect a President.

I think this election will go down in history not just because Obama is our first black president, but because this was truly a popularity contest. Student Council elections aren't that much different. Who's cooler? We don't like the current student council pres, and he's friends with this other guy, so we'll vote for the cool guy.

Regardless, I will do my best to put this stupid election behind me and hope for the best. I really do hope that Obama sees that he only won 52-46 percent. I hope he doesn't forget the South and Midwest states he completely ignored. I hope he considers the 55 million that did not vote for him. I hope he lives up to all the hype and becomes a good President.

Actually, I hope he does better than our current president.

Here's another perspective of the election. He puts it much better...

In My Dreams, I Vote For Cars and Eat Tapioca Pudding Too

2008-11-04T08:42:00.003-05:00

Maybe I should start a separate dream blog...

So this morning I had a dream that I was at my local voting place, but I was waiting in line, eating tapioca pudding. I was eating tapioca pudding because they gave you tapioca pudding when you voted. And you didn't vote for people, you voted for the car you wanted. One of my seminary friends showed me the truck she was voting for. And, to top it off, one of my favorite bands, Over the Rhine, was voting and they were going to give me their tapioca pudding. So, I was done voting, but waiting for my band to give me their pudding. Has to be one of the best dreams ever.

Well, I'm off to vote for my favorite car and eat tapioca pudding. Actually, I do vote at a retirement home. There is a very high probability that they'll have the tapioca.

In My Dreams, I'm A Terrorist...

2008-11-02T09:25:00.003-05:00

Last night (or this morning) I dreamt that I was a terrorist. No kidding. In this dream, I was solely responsible for leveling, destroying, obliterating two cities. Two. Millions of people were dead. Millions. And I did it. Yeah, me. And I wasn't this extremist, ultra right-wing nut job clinging to my guns and my bible, either. I was just me. And only two people knew about it. One was my friend, Fletch. Yeah, his name is Fletch. He wouldn't talk to me because he was upset that I killed millions of people. He didn't turn me in, but he gave me the cold shoulder. I was upset that I killed all those innocent people, but I was even more upset that Fletch wouldn't talk to me. The other guy was someone I didn't recognize, but he didn't seem to care that I destroyed these places. He kinda thought it was cool. He even offered me a job to help rebuild the towns.

The ironic thing about it was that I was part of a group that went in to one of the cities to clean up debris. And no one was the wiser...

I'm not proud of it. Actually, its pretty disturbing. But sometimes, whether I like it or not, I dream that I'm a terrorist.

In My Element (Rehash Of Old Post)

2008-10-27T10:24:00.003-04:00

Today is the first day it's dropped below 45 degrees here in Kentucky. I actually had to break out my Carhartt jacket to protect my body from the elements. I love my Carhartt. I love the first day of the fall when I can wear it. It makes me feel like a big man, all rugged and burly. Yeah, I said burly. If you owned a Carhartt, you'd feel the same way.

I'm in my element. You see, I'm from Ohio and we're very cold people. We're more comfortable in the cold. Summers are unbearable for my people. We melt in our hot cars. We can't wait for the fall. It's our favorite time of year. That's how we roll.

In celebration, I will now attempt to write a sorry excuse for a haiku:

Carhartt jacket in hiding since March,
gone for seven months
show yourself.

Great Post Confirming What I Already Knew About Christian Music

2008-10-04T17:15:00.003-04:00

This is a great article from Patrol Magazine about the lameness of Christian music. As a Christian, I've grown tired of tired music from semi-talented and bland artists promoted to the upper eschelons of the Christian music scene. Most of these artists wouldn't be able to play on the secular market, so they are relegated to the lower division of Christian music.

And yet there shines a bright light (or many bright lights) amid the gloom and din of this music scene. Artists that actually have excelled as Christians can be found on various indie web sites such as The Blah Blah and The Bored-Again Christian. Here you can find great music without the boredom. The latter is actually a podcast that you can listen to.

I really hope that the "industry" will collapse in on itself and stop producing lame sounds that pass as Christian music. I hope that the independent artists who are really preaching the same message with actual creativity and gifts from above will be promoted more. We owe it to ourselves and the world to stop the spread of "Christian Music".

The Future Of Youth Ministry

2008-09-17T01:16:00.004-04:00

So tonight in my youth ministry class we talked about the four stages of youth ministry dating back to the 1820's. Pretty much, we're in the "Emerging" stage that started around 1990, after the collapse of communism and modernism. Where youth ministry (and church ministry) used to be from the top - down, more and more youth groups are going from a bottom - up model. What's that? Good question.

It's pretty much where the youth pastor stops becoming the expert, the do-it-all, know-it-all minister. Most churches are still in this mode, and expect us to have all the answers. He or she instead trains people in the church to be leaders of youth. So, instead of the youth pastor leading a group of 30 kids and 5 adult leaders, they train the 5 adults and some student leaders to lead it, and do some of the work more effectively. It also becomes a ministry to the adult leaders. I really do believe (and know) that working with youth can be a ministry to the adults.

Another move is to the inner city. Back in the 70's and 80's, most youth ministry was done in the suburbs and small towns, but a majority of the kids were in the cities. Now, more and more adults are going back into the city to minister to those kids. Now its the suburban kids who will be left without leaders. It's funny, because that's exactly what happened here in Lexington with Youth for Christ. While the Urban ministry is thriving, the suburban ministry doesn't even exist anymore. I guess some of these trends are really happening after all.

It's pretty different from where I was 20 years ago as a kid, but I can see the logic behind it. Kids are very different. They want different things than we did just a few decades ago. Anyone who works with youth has their work cut out for them. It's not good enough just to give kids activities; they actually want to be challenged.

As far as my role in all this, I just don't know. I'm trying to learn to be happy where I am at the church I'm in with the youth in front of me. Hopefully, they won't abuse my car like kids in the past have done. I really like this car...

Corrections and Adjustments...

2008-09-01T22:14:00.002-04:00

OK...I've made some adjustments to my fantasy football team since my last post. Most notably, my team name has been changed from "Sweet Merciful Crap" to "That's What She Said". Actually, the only changes were dropping Amani Toomer and adding Jeremy Shockey. The biggest change though, was the name. That's What She Said. And if you don't know where that comes from, well...I hate to say it, but you need to watch The Office. I don't like to recommend TV to people (many object to the device), but it is a great show. And this is a great team. Let's hope that I finish better than 9th this year (which is where I have finished the last two years).

Fantasy Football Roster

2008-08-22T14:03:00.002-04:00

Here's the 2008 edition of my football team, named "SweetMerciful Crap":

QB: Ben Roethlisberger
RB's: Ladanian Tomlinson, Earnest Graham
WR's: Reggie Wayne, Braylon Edwards, Nate Burleson
TE: Jason Witten
K: Nate Kaeding
D/ST: Giants

Bench:
WR: Santana Moss, Dwayne Bowe, Isaac Bruce, Amani Toomer
RB: Maurice Morris
QB: Phillip Rivers
D/ST: 49ers

Stimulus

2008-08-20T23:39:00.003-04:00

Hey...I finally got my tax return AND stimulus check. It took long enough. I think they took out some extra for themselves, but this is free money nonetheless. In thinking of ways to spend this free money, I realized that I've been selfish and only thinking of ways to spend it on myself and not spending it on the economy, which is what the check is for, right? So instead of stimulating myself, here are some potential ways I can stimulate the economy:

1. I could go to the Keeneland September Horse Sales and buy into the horse racing industry. However, I could probably only buy a really cheap horse named "Glue Stick".

2. I could use my new-found money to help people by solving mysteries with my friends and driving around in a van. I think its been done before, though.

3. I could donate it to one or both the Presidential candidates and use my money to gain power and influence in the White House. I could be the next Assistant to the Under Secretary of Delegation. Sounds official, anyway.

4. I could use it to buy naming rights to a new arena or stadium somewhere. I'd call it "Stimulus Stadium" or, in Cleveland, "Second Place Ain't So Bad Arena", or "We're Just Happy To Be Here Stadium", or "Wait Till Next Year Stadium".

5. I could buy teeth for everyone in Kentucky.

6. I could bribe the Olympic Committee and force them to get rid of the following sports: rythmic gymnastics, trampoline (please), syncronized diving, power walking (not a sport), beach volleyball, handball, and curling (oh my god, please). I would also use my influence and bribe them to bring back the tug of war. Could you imagine how awesome that would be? I'd watch it. In fact...

7. I could finance the U.S. Olympic Tug Of War Team. I could do all the recruiting right here in Kentucky, after I buy teeth for all of them. Actually, they'd be scarier without teeth. Hmmm...

8. OR, I could use it to pay rent next month, but that's being selfish.

Wisdom From Mr. Chambers...

2008-07-30T23:37:00.002-04:00

From the July 29 entry in My Utmost For His Highest:

"It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials: through every cloud he brings, He wants us to unlearn something."

Reunion Observations...

2008-07-25T08:32:00.002-04:00

Just went to my 20th reunion this past weekend. Had a great time reconnecting with my friends. I even met some people in my class for the first time. Weird. Anyway, here's some observations I made:

I really didn't know that many people I went to school with. I realized this when my good friends showed up. I had much more to talk about with them and really struggled to talk to other people that I knew. They would be called "acquaintances". I had memories, stories and common experiences to share with my good friends.

Some people in my class actually looked better than they did in high school. This goes against the prevailing wisdom that good looks go down the tubes after college. Yes, some of the guys did get heavier (and so did some women), but many of us lost weight (gained weight in my case) and look better for it. Now, some of these good looks may be attributed to various surgeries, but I didn't have time to ask everyone if they'd had such procedures done.

The 1980's was the best decade to attend high school. We had much better music, better movies, no cell phones, no internet and we still survived. No other decade can claim this, except maybe the 1950's. Also, 1988 was the best year in the 80's to graduate from high school. Consequently, the early 1990's were the best years to attend college. 'Nuff said.

Apparently, some women I went to school with developed the Wisconsin/Michigan/Dakota accent and I wasn't aware of it. The most shocking development for me was the obvious accent attributed to the northern plains region of our country. I had no idea how prevalent this was in Northeast Ohio. Maybe they're all from North Dakota and the accent was hidden from me all these years, dontcha know. Youbetcha.

My friends are really fun people. We weren't the popular kids in school, but I knew even back then that they were good people. They still are. We stayed up late, had fun and swapped some stories. We didn't even talk about the past that much.

Hopefully, I'll be less of a dufus and communicate better with my friends after reunion. And maybe I won't have to wait for the 25th to see them again.

Prom

2008-06-24T00:01:00.003-04:00

There's nothing like prom drama to end your high school career:

So, I really wanted to ask this girl I liked. We'll call her girl A. So I asked and she told me she was already going with this other guy. No problem. So I ask girl B, who was a good friend. She wanted to go with me, but she was already going with her boyfriend. No prob. I ask girl C, who told me that another girl (girl D) wanted to go with me. I said, "But girl D already has a boyfriend." Girl C replied, "But they're going to his prom at his school. D wants to go with you to ours. But if D says no, I'll go with you." So, I told girl D that I would go with her, and she said yes.

Later that weekend, girl D calls me and says that she and her boyfriend are going to our prom now, so tough luck. I get back to girl C and tell her the situation, but she's already going with someone else. So I ask girl E. She says she's interested, but another guy asked her already, but she didn't give him a response. Next day E says no to me and yes to the other guy. So, then I ask girl F. Two years prior I went to homecoming with F and had a good time, so I figured we'd have a good time again. F says yes. I had forgotten what that word sounded like.

So off we go to the prom with two other couples. Dinner was great, and then prom sucked. She got mad at me for something (yelled at me actually) and then I was done with prom. Forever. And that's my great prom story.

Footnote: Later that summer girl B told me she should have gone to prom with me. No duh. I could've told B that.

Here's How I Almost Died On Stage

2008-06-17T21:50:00.002-04:00

Every year, my high school hosted a "talent" show where we were allowed to try out different acts and bore people to death. My group of friends and I started a little tradition (a tradition that lasted 2 years) of putting on Monty Python skits. I was very proud of these little skits as they broke the monotony of solos, duets, dance numbers, ensemble numbers, and bad hair bands that made up the rest of the show.

My senior year, we put on a skit called "Dirty Fork". Pretty much, a customer notices a dirty fork, the entire restaurant staff freak out, and hilarity ensues. My part was the manager of the restaurant. Midway through, I stab myself with the fork and die on the lap of my friend Angie.

On the last night, I decide to fall off of her lap and onto the stage floor. I'm lying on my back, minding my own business in front of 200 people and then my friend Dave enters the stage. He played a freaked out chef who tries to kill the customers. On this night, he decided to "go for it" and flip over the table. Sounded good to me, and probably looked good to the audience (they laughed really hard) until said table edge came crashing down on my neck.

I was still laughing, but in a little pain. I came off the stage and the stage manager asked if I was OK. She said she "thought I was dead and would have to call the ambulance". I didn't see it that way, but I would've panicked too if I saw a table bounce off someone's neck on my stage.

So, I had a good story to tell and a nasty red streak on my neck for the next week. People asked if it was a hickey and I said, "No, just a Monty Python skit".

Another Band Story

2008-06-01T18:10:00.002-04:00

Here's another great band story for ya:

Again, it was my freshman year, but now I'm in Symphonic Band instead of marching band. The director had sent me to the office for something, and upon my return to my seat in the back of the band room I decided to "be cool" and walk over some chairs instead of walking around them. In my coolness, the chairs beneath me decided to give way and I was sent down to the hard floor on my back. Everybody gasped, stopped playing and just stared at me. Ms. McNeil said, "Josh, are you alright?". The first words out of my mouth were, "I think I fell". Everybody laughed. It was a hit. But seriously, that's all I could think of saying. I was so embarrassed nothing else made sense.

The 20th

2008-05-24T20:07:00.004-04:00

To commemorate the 20th anniversary of my completion of high school, I have decided to share some of my fondest, if not most embarrassing memories from that period of time. No doubt high school is a hotbed of unique and embarrassing moments, and I have no shortage of them. So, to start off, here's my most embarrassing moment - ever. I believe it was fall of my freshman year...(cue wavy lines ala Wayne's World)...

I was a very good marcher. The band geeks of band geeks. I memorized all my music, knew all the moves, and had everything just right. Then, the rain came down on my early career, thus almost ending my life. Here's how it went down:

Last game of the season. The field is total mud around the 50 yard line. I had this move where I pretty much have to run backwards and pivot 45 degrees on the 50 and continue marching backwards to the 40. I knew in band practice that week that I was as good as dead. I wrote out a short will, said my goodbyes to the family and headed off to my last football game ever.

And then it started to rain. Again. The field was already good and muddy and I guess I needed just a little more to kill myself. So backwards I march. And pivot I did. And then, nothing. I felt no ground beneath me, for I was airborne. Free as a flightless bird on a cold and rainy night.

When my feet did finally hit the ground, my awesomely crappy and tractionless band shoes were worthless to me. I looked like Shaggy or Scooby Doo when they tried to get away from the bad guy. Running, but going nowhere. Then, to my dismay, I started to fall backwards. I was goin down. Bigtime. Right on the 50.

Then, to my surprise, two arms came between my arms and held me in place. These two arms even dragged me to my final spot on the 40. I turned around and saw my lineleader, Suzie Kinstle prop me up in place. I said a quiet and humbled, "thanks", but that was all I could get out. She saved my young life. We never discussed it again.

I was very thankful that we didn't have any moves the next number. I just stood in place and pretended to play as I watched the flag corp perform in front of me. I was in shock. A little tear formed in one of my eye ducts, but went nowhere. I had been spared the horrible fate of falling backwards in the mud, thus causing everyone in front of me to fall on top of me. Actually, that would have been awesome. That would be a much better story than this one.

Man, I hope someone got that on video. I'd love to see my impression of Scooby Doo right there on the 50. Anyway, that's my story. Hope you liked it. More to come later.

I've Figured Out Lost

2008-05-12T23:13:00.003-04:00

For all you Lost fans out there, I've finally figured it all out. Seriously. I now know the origin of "The Others". The island is the final destination of "The Others" from another world. They are aliens from another planet. Here's how it works:

See, the creators of Lost are pretty detailed in their clue-giving. A new character on Lost is named Cassandra Staples Lewis; as in C.S. Lewis. Any time a philosopher, writer, or whoever is mentioned on the show, that represents a clue to an aspect of the shows plot. I just finished reading Prince Caspian in which Aslan the Lion reveals that the Telmarines who took over Narnia are not original residents of that world; they belonged somewhere else. He then creates a door into their original world that transports them to an island. Some go back, some stay in Narnia. Regardless, I believe that the writers of Lost will use that (or something similar) in future episodes to explain the appearance of The Others, not to mention their seeming eternal-ness and strange powers.

I know, I'm a genius. Let the accolades begin.

Hey, Guess What? Beer and Cheese Don't Go Together.

2008-05-06T23:07:00.006-04:00

Figured this out at my birthday suaree Saturday night at the Pub. Got some Strongbow cider with my dinner and then was offered some awesome cheesecake for dessert.

Remember that Little Rascals episode where Spanky ate a hot dog and some ice cream and they showed a picture of his stomach and the hot dog and the sundae were dukin' it out causing Spanky to spend the next few days in the bathroom/outhouse? Yeah, that's about what the beer and cheesecake did to me, except it was more like a science lab than a boxing ring.

Imagine that the beer was in a test tube and the cheesecake was added, causing an explosion so ferocious that the lab had to be quarantined for a week. The result for me was uncontrolled burping for the next few hours, and the missing of church the next day.

Lesson Learned: I've gotta get the Little Rascals on DVD.

I'm Baking

2008-04-29T23:17:00.003-04:00

Something odd is going on in my kitchen - I'm actually baking stuff. Cookies, actually. I've made chocolate chip, oatmeal chocolate chip, and oatmeal peanut butter chocolate chip. And get this, the cookies are pretty good. People like them. I haven't burned a single one either. I've done better making cookies from scratch than pulling them out of a package and sticking them on a cookie sheet.

Here's a list of things I've "baked" in the oven up until a few weeks ago:

tater tots (lots of tots)
frozen pizza
cold pizza (in the box)
bagels
packaged cookies
dirty dishes

And just why am I making cookies, you ask (I know you are)? Pretty much, I'm bored. I really need something better to do at home than watch TV and sit around. I just lost my free membership to the gym and I need something to do. I feel like I'm accomplishing something by doing something simple that I've never done before. And so far, I'm good at it. My place smells great too.

What I Don't Want For My Birthday

2008-04-19T00:54:00.002-04:00

Please do not do this for my birthday. If you do, I will puke all over you. I will not have my birthday party here, no matter how much fun you may have watching me suffer. I can't understand why anyone would do this.

Milestones In Youth Ministry, Part 3

2008-04-11T20:40:00.005-04:00

Tortured, tortured youth, when will you cease tormenting me? These are words I have often said to myself throughout my journey with youth these past 10 years. Even though I have had many wonderful encounters/conversations/dialogues/moments with youth, I have also had my share of tortured moments that I have previously discussed in this blog.

To date:

I myself have been beaten, egged, doused, thrown in multiple pools, shaving creamed, silly stringed, air horned, laser tagged, paint balled, pellet gunned, frisbeed, jumped, and just plain attacked.
My apartment has been toilet papered, snow balled, and rearranged while I was out. I actually liked it better after they changed things up.
My car (my poor car) has been toilet papered, tampon-ed, shaving creamed, painted, hijacked, moved, saran wrapped, diapered, construction barrelled, and just plain abused from inside and out. It was also utilized for a long jump competition.

And this is all from kids I actually liked.

Just last week I was ambushed at someones house with shaving cream, an air horn and silly string. But don't worry, the offenders were beaten severely with approval from their parents. The kids were more surprised than I was. You would think by this time that they learned their lesson. But for those involved with youth ministry, we all know that they never do. They just keep coming back for more and more, and more...I'm getting a little too old for this.

Natural Bridge Video

2008-03-31T18:25:00.002-04:00

Here's a video of Eric Marshall (senior at Dunbar) surfing the stairs down Devil's Gulch at Natural Bridge State Park in Slade, Kentucky.

Natural Bridge Pics 3.31.08

2008-03-31T18:16:00.003-04:00

Taking One For the Team

2008-03-30T22:05:00.002-04:00

There are moments in your life when you know that something bad is coming your way and you know that there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. An oncoming meteor, another season of American Idol, and Presidential elections are examples of such an event. Men all face a common fear/dread in their lives and they know its going to happen at some time in their duration on this planet: they're going to get hit in the crotch with something. Most often this something is a ball of some sort; on America's Funniest Videos it's usually a baseball bat or some kid just punching their dad. We all know it's going to happen, we all try to prepare for it, but sometimes you just gotta take it like a man.

I took it like a man this Saturday morning in Lexington, Kentucky. What I remember is this: I was at a lock in for the youth and we were playing indoor soccer against some super-scary good soccer players from a Hispanic church. I was on defense and was doing pretty well against them too. Then I saw it. One of the kids on the other team lined up a shot about 20 feet away from me. As soon as I saw him stop and plant his left foot next to the ball, I knew exactly where that ball was going: my crotch.

I don't how I knew this, but I just did. Maybe it's my age and experience, or just good instinct, but I knew. The ball left his foot and made a beeline for the area on my body just about 3 feet off the floor, almost like it was a self-guided heat-seeking missile programmed to hit the nearest guy in the crotch.

It happened so fast that I didn't have time to react. I just stood there and took it. It hurt, but without that all-body-encompassing pain that usually accompanies such an injury (guys know what I'm talkin' about). But as I went down, I kept thinking about how funny it was that I knew it would happen. So funny, in fact, that I started laughing. So I lay there on the gym floor, surrounded by high school kids, in pain, in the fetal position, laughing. I even laughed on my way to the bleachers.

Theme Song For "Lost"

2008-03-15T00:48:00.002-04:00

Just in case you were wondering what the show "Lost" would use for a theme song had it been made in the 80's or 90's, here you go. Enjoy.

I Just Can't Do It, Man

2008-03-03T17:53:00.003-05:00

I consider myself kind of hip. Kinda cool. Savvy, even. Especially when it comes to music. Since I was in high school, I've tried to find the best Christian music out there. I've made some mistakes along the way, but all in all, I've been able to weed out the crap and keep myself open to the good stuff.

Maybe I should define the term "good". To me, good Christian music starts with the music, not the lyrics. It should be original; and if not original, at least well done. Most Christian music out there is not original or well done.

For example, I was working out at the gym a few years ago, when I noticed a music video on the screen above me. The music sounded like your typical rock anthem of the late 90's/early 00's, and the lyrics were about losing someone and hoping that they would return. The band looked like your typical modern band: stylish hair, facial hair/gotees, with muscular guys in tight-fitting t-shirts and jeans ensembles. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow. These guys are really passionate about this boring song that sounds like all the other songs by bands that look like they do. I wonder who it is?" When the song ended, the name flashed on the screen, and it was a very popular Christian band that has been to all the festivals and has sold thousands, if not millions of cd's.

Not only has this bland, boring music infected our radio stations, but it has also infected our churches under the guise of "praise and worship" music. This past weekend, I attended a fund raiser at Asbury College that featured four of these "P/W" bands. I went to support the cause and those that I knew that helped put on the event. I was able to make it through 4 songs. I'm not kidding. The band was talented, dedicated, and passionate, but I just couldn't take it, man. I can't stand boring music with lyrics about how great Jesus is. When we speak Jesus' name or sing it, it should not be boring or heard on an elevator.

Today's praise and worship music is boring and repetitive, and puts the focus on the musicians, not God. When your Sunday morning worship includes a solo by the guitar player, it might be time to pull the plug on your worship team. Worship should be simple, graceful and focused on the one who gave us those talents. Too many people have been able to make a career out of this music and put the focus on themselves. There are exeptions, but most in the mainstream of Christian music need to stop or be stopped.

Zeitgeist

2008-02-27T12:44:00.003-05:00

For those of you in the know, the latest round of internet conspiracy theories has landed in the past year and is called "Zeitgeist". It's a movie in three parts: part one covers the lie of Christianity and how it's used to motivate people to be good citizens; part two covers 9/11; and part three covers the Federal Reserve Bank. It's very well done and very well put together. The narration is subtle and not overdone. The music is good conspiracy-theory creepy. The images can be haunting at times, but not overdone.

Parts two and three make you angry. They do a great job of portraying the government as the cause of wars and the Federal Reserve and the powers that be the true Axis of Evil in the World. Makes you want to go blow something up. Most of the accusations are unfounded, however, and are based largely on anecdotal evidence, text-proofing, and bias.

The reason I posted this blog is because of part one. This deals with Christianity and its origins. The movie makes the conclusion that Jesus never existed and his life was the Christian equivalent of other mythological figures from the past, most notably the Egyptian god Horus. It asserts that religious leaders took the life of Horus and inserted Jesus' name where applicable. Why this was done was never pulled out of the movie. They give no clear reason why these religious leaders and governing authorities (like Constantine) established this make believe figure to be the head of this new religion. They only voice their protest over the Church and the "fraud" that has ensued over the years. What is left is only speculation and spurious biblical research. They pull specific texts from the Bible to prove their point, but ignore others. Parts two and three have very specific agendas and conclusions (and link together) but part one does not, which leads me to believe it was just someone's soap box and wishful thinking. There isn't even a substantial connection to the other two parts of the movie.

Should you watch it? Sure. People you know may be watching it. A kid in our youth group watched it and has some doubts about his faith now. If you're a youth pastor, college pastor, pastor or in ministry, you should at least watch part one. It's about an hour long. Take some notes and do the research. It's not offensive, but it does cite George Carlin (the comedian) and one of his stand up routines as one of its sources. Good research, guys. It'll make you angry, but I think we need to be aware of this "New Atheism" that is here and reaching out to younger people.

Why No Posts?

2008-02-20T14:35:00.002-05:00

Why no posts you ask? I dunno. I guess I was so uninspired during my unemployment phase that I couldn't think of anything new to write. But now that I have a job with a national fertilizer, seed, and garden company, I'll have more to write soon. I promise.

Will Work For Money

2008-02-01T22:30:00.000-05:00

I am now gainfully unemployed. I was "let go" this past Tuesday at 5.15pm Eastern. I was initially upset, but I knew it was coming. People that usually talked to me as they passed by my cubicle stopped talking to me; people would get quiet when I passed by. Weird. OK, that last one wasn't true, but it sounded more dramatic.

But really, I knew this was coming for about 9 months. There have been days where I had absolutely nothing to do. Very frustrating. I would come in, check my email, check my myspace, facebook, check in with my manager to see if there was a project that awaited my attention, post a blog, check the other blogs I read, check in again with my manager, watch the Daily Show, Arrested Development, even some classic movies. Yeah, movies. I've watched "M" and "Nosferatu". Both excellent movies, by the way. The internet is amazing.

I was bored. Sure, there would be exciting times. I learned how to edit web pages, post pictures on a website, even contribute and create some stuff for websites. Good skills to know for future endeavors. I was actually waiting for them to fire me. I knew it would be this week too. I've got a sixth sense for knowing when I'm getting fired and knowing when girlfriends are going to break up with me (that's another post). I just know when these things are going to happen.

Now I'm even more bored at home. And tired. When I mustered the strength to leave my house today at the crack of 2.30pm, I worked out at the gym and almost collapsed from exhaustion in the chips and cracker aisle at Kroger. I need a hobby. Or a job.

So, my goals in my new unemployed state are to get a job (duh), get a hobby, get up earlier than I am now, and figure out what's going on in my life. I get depressed, but I'm also insulted that I got canned. I showed up to work even though I had nothing to do. When I had stuff to do, I did it well and on time. I even learned some stuff. I have a master's degree, man. I don't deserve this. I do have some stuff in the works for graduate school (yippee!), but I may not hear from them for a long time. In the meantime, I need to see what God has in store for me and not freak out. If anyone has any job leads, let me know. I'm taking all suggestions. Except substitute teaching. Been there, done that.

Holy Smokes!

2008-01-25T14:11:00.000-05:00

Now you can drop ashes on Jesus' thorny head when you smoke. Or, you can give this wonderfully judgmental gift to that insecure smoker in the family (as long as they don't smoke in your house). Sure, Jesus hates it when you smoke, but how about these other great ideas:

a magnet that goes on your fridge that says, "Jesus hates it when you make yourself fat"
a sticker that goes on your dashboard that says, "Jesus hates it when you drive angry"
a sticker that goes on your trashcan that says, "Jesus hates it when you don't recycle"
a bookmark that goes in your Bible that says, "Jesus hates it when you don't do what he says"
a sticker that goes on your stereo that says, "Jesus hates it when you don't listen to contemporary christian music"
Republicans could put out a mailing the week before the general election that says, "Jesus hates it when you vote Democrat"

So many stupid ideas, so little time...

Ministry Milestones, Vol. 2

2008-01-21T21:35:00.000-05:00

So, you're a youth pastor/volunteer/sucker and you're dropping kids off after a youth-type event. You stop at a house, say goodbye to said youth and the youth in question suddenly exclaims, "Holy crap! No one's home! How am I going to get in?" Hmmm. How is said youth supposed to get in the house? More importantly, what am I going to do with this youth that's supposed to be in their house? I mean, I need to get home and check Facebook.

After calling mom and dad and having no other alternative, said youth realizes that the only way into the house is to break in. This is where being in ministry really comes into play. This is the moment where the volunteer who has sacrificed so much can truly shine and be a light to the next generation. All of my seminary training, volunteer training, Bible reading, praying and seeking guidance from the Lord above have come to this fine-tipped point in history.

So I pull out my wallet, pull out a hardly used gift card to a gas station, and after a few seconds, I successfully break in to her family's house. Yes, I was a beacon to that youth. I was finally able to be useful in their life, and maybe to others (if s/he tells their friends of my heroic deed). I wish I had to fill out weekly or monthly reports for the ministry. It may look something like this:

Youth Activities Week of January 13-21:
*weekly meeting (Monday 7pm-9pm)
*made kids eat spoon of cinnamon (it really burns, by the way) (Monday 7.30pm)
*hung out with the guys at internet cafe (Sunday 6pm-10pm)
*went bowling with youth (Monday 7.30pm-9pm)
*broke in to Brandi's house (Monday 9.15pm)

Yeah, that'd be an awesome report. They should just go ahead and engrave my name on the Volunteer of the Year Award. It's done. It's over. I'm awesome.

My First Industry Rant

2008-01-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

I've been in the "internets" industry for over a year now, so I feel that it's safe enough for me to rant. I won't be ranting on my own employers (I'm not that stupid), but I will rant on other internet companies who are trying to make a fast buck while putting crap on the internet. Here goes:

I've done tons of research into the whole social networking scene and have found some pretty cool niche sites out there. Niche is where the net is going, by the way. You can find a social network for just about anything. In fact, the more general your site is, the less traffic you'll get. Tekkies are projecting a downward turn for MySpace and Facebook this year. I think they'll still be huge, but more people will be turning to smaller niche networks as well.

One of those groups that companies are hitting on are Christians. Marketers and advertisers have realized in the last 10 years that the Christian market is a big money maker. Unfortunately, this has led many non Christians to make inferior products (toys, games, clothes, MUSIC) and peddle them off to the Christian market to make money. All in the name of Christ. The social network market is no different. There are some genuine Christians trying to make genuine faith networks out there, but there are also some shady characters just trying to make money.

Sites like Godkut.com and FaithBase.com are two examples of companies trying to get money out of Christians. The company that makes FaithBase also makes Glee.com, a social network for homosexuals. They also have three other networks for ethnic groups. I'm not coming down on them for doing business with homosexuals, but they are not being upfront and honest with their clientele on their site. They don't tell the Christians about their "other" sites, and I don't think most Christians would support them if they knew.

In short, the internet is full of hucksters and charlatans promoting themselves as the "saviors" of the internet for people of faith. If you go on their sites, look at the fine print at the bottom of the home page and find out who their sponsors are. Find out the other sites and companies they promote and develop. If you're a member of FaithBase, drop them like a bad habit. They're not Christians and they don't care about you or your faith.

OK, that's my Industry Rant for the day. Thanks.

Things We Only Dream Of...

2008-01-16T12:10:00.000-05:00

Just found this amazing motivational poster. Would this be the best show ever or what?

Another Sign of the Approaching Apocalypse...

2008-01-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

I dare someone to buy this cross thingy for your iPod lanyard. First, you detach your unholy boring lanyard from your iPod and cast it into fiery hell, and then you attach the Holy Sanctified Cross Lanyard Of All Truth to your iPod. Just make sure you aren't listening to Marilyn Manson, Big N Rich or Buddy Holly while its attached. Something will happen. Not sure exactly what, but something...

Vandals With Markers...

2008-01-10T23:14:00.000-05:00

My Post-BCS Rant

2008-01-08T22:49:00.000-05:00

I'm not a hugely devoted obnoxious Ohio State fan, but I am a fan. I have a t-shirt from their 2003 championship and a hat. I've even marched at Ohio Stadium in the state marching band finals my senior year of high school. I come from a football crazy state (the home of the football hall of fame) and am proud of that fact. I also realize that obnoxious Texans and Floridians and Michiganders and Alabam-ers will claim to be more football-crazy, and that's fine. I just hate all the smack talk every time we lose to the arrogant SEC.

Yes, we are inferior. Yes, the BigTen is inferior and sad. Yes, some high school programs could've beaten Minnesota, Northwestern, and Michigan State this year. At the same time. But the fact is, and please read this carefully and slowly: Ohio State did not choose to be in the BCS Championship Game. We were placed there. If you will remember after we beat Michigan (again), Ohio State players were carrying roses. They didn't win a beauty pageant or give them to their mothers. It's an inferior BigTen tradition to have roses if you win the conference because they thought they were going to the Rose Bowl.

Even with an 11-1 record, they knew their schedule wasn't stellar; they knew that other teams were better. Really. Some critics (and rednecks) have this belief that the players and staff are arrogant so-and-so's who don't know anything about reality. Actually, they do. And I'll bet ya that Jim Tressell was incredibly surprised that his team ended up in the big game. And I'll bet he was also surprised that these supposedly superior teams (LSU, Kansas, Missouri, West Virginia) kept losing at the end of the season. Last year, he was criticized for having too much time off and not having a conference championship. This year he was given kudos for being a brilliant tactician for not having a conference championship and for playing all 12 games without a week off. Go figure.

In closing, Ohio State did what they were supposed to do against the teams they played (except Illinois). They did not ask or petition to play for the BCS. Yes, they could've turned it down, but that would've been weird. I would've preferred the Rose Bowl. We sure would've done better than Illinois. I really think this points to the need for a playoff. The Buckeyes didn't belong in that game, even though they did play better than last year. A playoff would've determined the real winner. It probably wouldn't have been LSU, either.

In the meantime, I think we should give the SEC fans/rednecks their wish and make the SEC Championship the National Championship. It is the vastly superior conference, after all.

From the Corrections Page...

2008-01-04T14:08:00.000-05:00

Apparently the corrections editor at the Daily Telegraph (UK) was a genious and loved his job. He recently retired. Here's one of my favorites:

APOLOGY: In Friday’s article on Liz Hurley’s wedding it was wrongly stated that the actress is holding a pheasant shoot on the Sunday after the ceremony. Game shooting is of course illegal on Sundays and the pheasant season ended on Feb 1. We apologise for the error and accept that if any shooting is to be done it will be by the paparazzi, who have no season and do not observe the Sabbath.

Those Horrible Lying Teenagers

2007-12-17T14:29:00.000-05:00

I work with teenagers...for some reason. Actually, this year marks my 10 year anniversary of doing so. One of the "perks" of working with kids is that every now and then they will ask you to do stuff with them. It is a great honor and very humbling as a 37 year old to be asked to hang out with high school kids by high school kids. That is, unless they hate you.

Two of these devil children invited me to hang out with them at a "Christmas party type event" at the local YMCA on Saturday. I asked if it was going to be like the last event they duped me into (also at the Y) which was the worst concert I had ever been to ever (yes, I used ever twice). They assured me that in no way was this going to be anything like that event. They even went so far as to describe in detail the games we would be playing. Very clever.

So to the YMCA I went. Outside in the rain, 20 very scary children stood smoking cigarettes and who-knows-what, but I thought, "Well this is a rough side of town, so I guess it's pretty neat that the Y gets these kids for games". Duh. I found Cheech and Chong in the lobby and they went on and on about the night's events and how much fun they were having. The "karaoke" event was about to take place in the next room and they were "waiting their turn" at the mic. So, we went in. Up front I saw speakers, lights, guitars...keyboard...drums. Hey, wait a minute...

Duped again. Not only was this another heavy metal screamer show, but it was the absolute worst heavy metal screamer show ever. I can say that because Fred and Barney have duped me into other shows before. I can compare. It was also the most, uh, "athletic" show I've seen as well. I've never been to a concert where I feared for my safety. Or felt that I had to watch the crowd. But I did. Little teeny-boppers were thrashing, kicking and catapulting over each other the whole show. I left and went into my car to listen to some Christmas music in the freezing rain. I went back in after a while, said goodbye to Tom and Jerry and took off, lamenting the sad state of music (and what passes for music) these days.

I'm also thinking about revenge. I should invite them into my world. Like making them go to church with me or watching me work. That'll fix 'em.

Monk-tastic Weekend, part I

2007-12-12T16:15:00.000-05:00

You've seen the pictures, and now the story behind them:

I spent a rainy and wet weekend in Trappist, Kentucky at the Abbey of Gethsemani. I arrived around 7.30pm in the driving rain (I hate driving in rain) in complete and utter darkness. The darkness was pretty cool out in the Middle of Nowhere, Kentucky; it made me feel more isolated than usual. The monastery lights seemed to poke out of the darkness like a lighthouse, or more appropriately, the castle in Monty Python's Holy Grail (except this one was filled with monks, not nuns).

I dropped my bags near the main desk and went to the Compline service. I was still frazzled from driving in the rain, so I wasn't able to relax or "get into the contemplative groove" just yet. It was good to sit in a chair that wasn't attached to a car going 55 mph in the rain though. After that, I got my keys, unpacked, and went to bed around 9pm. Woo-hoo! Friday! I was really, really tired. And that's it. There's really nothing to "do" after 8pm. The monks are lights out after Compline. They do have to get up around 3am to make the cheese and bourbon fudge, so its understandable.

I woke up the same time they did. First time I've ever made it to their 3.15am service. I was still tired, though. After that, I went back to bed and woke up at the ungodly hour of 10am. All in all, I logged in 12 hours of sleep Friday night/Saturday morning. I guess I needed it. When I did wake up, I discovered that it was Immaculate Conception Day, so they had a special service that morning. I attended most of the service, and then went to the library to read.

I started reading C.S. Lewis' Reflections On the Psalms. Pretty cool little book. It's amazing how much he says he doesn't know about the topic and then proceeds to blow you out of the water. Well, if you don't know that much, why are writing this brilliant book? Turns out he does know a lot about the Psalms.

more to come....

Pics From the Monastery

2007-12-11T13:19:00.001-05:00

christians and "meds"

2007-12-06T17:13:00.001-05:00

I recently read this wonderful article in a blog I visit daily. Here the author (Brant Hansen) talks about his meds and the guilt and angst he goes through daily because he doesn't like the fact that a Christian should need them (but yet he is thankful for them). He's incredibly honest and paints a wonderful picture of the struggle those in the family go through daily. The comments (over 40) are great too.

Evicted From the Office

2007-12-06T16:42:00.000-05:00

Monday morning I was greeted at the office with the news that I had been evicted from my office, the only office that I had ever occupied in my life. I wasn't too distraught, but images of the movie Office Space and Milton did come to mind:

"They moved my desk 4 times already this year and I used to be over by the window and I could see the squirrels and they were married, but then they moved my desk and they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler."

Now, replace squirrels with yellow finches and the whole stapler fiasco, and that's my situation. My office wasn't all that exciting, but it was mine. The only detractor was that I not only had a window to the outside, but everyone in the office had a window into my particular office. I was located at the intersection next to the kitchen area, so everyone and their offspring could come by on their way to get coffee and watch me work through the window, as if I were some sort of chimp on display, flinging poo everywhere.

So, at the end of my Monday I said goodbye to my cage and moved to a cubicle next to the copier/fax machine area and conference room. No more privacy. But I was moved to a corner of the office and there's much less traffic. So no one comes by anymore to watch me work. And, I discovered that I really have more desk space and more room to move around than I did at the zoo. A few desk lamps, a calendar and a ceramic Christmas tree later and I was getting compliments on how nice my cubicle was. Someone even said that it was nicer than my old office. Go figure. I won't burn the building down after all.

Any Questions?

2007-12-03T14:16:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Gethsemani Monastery this weekend. I'm going to read a lot, walk a lot, and spend some time away from the big city of Lexington. I may also have an opportunity to ask a monk or two some questions. If either of my readers has any questions to ask a monk, just let me know and I'll think about breaking my silence to ask them. And I know you have some questions. We all have questions to ask a monk. Some of you probably have a list entitled "Questions To Ask a Monk If the Opportunity Arises That I Actually Meet A Monk."

Also, if anyone has a hankerin' for some cheese, bourbon fudge or bourbon fruitcake from the Abbey, just let me know. I'll be pickin' up some fruitcake for myself. It's the only fruitcake I will eat. Seriously.

It's A Festivus Miracle!

2007-11-30T11:58:00.000-05:00

For those of you in the know, the season of Festivus is upon us. Referenced in the most amazing Seinfeld episode, Festivus has now become a full-blown holiday. If you can't create your own Festivus Pole, this company makes them for you. Just another sign that the holidays are becoming too commercial (which is the whole point of Festivus, anyway). Once the pole is in place, the other Festivus traditions (the Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength) can begin. Happy Festivus to us all.

NT Wright at ATS

2007-11-18T20:43:00.000-05:00

I had the priveledge of seeing New Testament scholar and Anglican bishop NT Wright at Asbury Seminary last week. Each chapel was packed out and many came from colleges and churches in the area to see the bishop. I was impressed with the number of college students who have taken an interest in biblical scholarship. I know that when I was in college, I wouldn't have made the trip out to Middle of Nowhere, KY to hear an egghead biblical scholar with or without the British accent. The guy next to me travelled 6 hours from Ohio for the day just hear Professor Wright.

I know for myself that his book, The Challenge of Jesus radically changed the way I read the Bible. He actually proposed that we look at the cultural, social, historical and yea, political context of the Ancient Near East to interpret the Bible. Radical. It actually does change our reading. I realized that I had been looking at the Bible through North American 20th century eyes my whole life and that I had been missing a lot.

He started off on Tuesday and Wednesday morning with a lecture on politics and the Bible and how the right and left love to use it to meet their needs. He discussed liberation theology and the theology of the current religious right. Both have good points and negative ones. But they both fall way short of the message of the Bible. The central question we need to ask ourselves and those that govern, he said is "If God were in charge right now, what would things look like?" If we challenge ourselves to answer it, we will find that we have misused and misread the Bible in regards to politics. That was the main point of his lecture.

Wednesday night was your "basic" exegesis of Acts. The whole thing. In an hour. Again, another challenge to the church as to what the church should be doing in relation to "the authorities" and each other. This was followed by a great Q and A time. He challenged a couple of students when they challenged his view of the end times, and specifically, the rapture. Pretty much he said that its going to happen, just not the way that Tim Lahaye thinks it will. Fact is, we don't know and probably never will, so don't worry about the specifics. Just get your heart right with God and you'll be covered, so to speak. He also challenged our reading of Paul and his use of symbols and images. We can't take them literally. If we did, we'd go crazy.

All in all, brilliant stuff and well worth it. You can go to the ATS site here to listen to the sessions. It energized my commitment to the study of the Bible and teaching.

Best Denomination Names Ever

2007-11-13T15:17:00.000-05:00

During my research for work, I have come across some very...uh...interesting names for denominations. Now, some of these groups don't exist anymore or they may have changed their names (how unfortunate). I need to say that I am sorry if your particular denomination is mentioned. I am in no way commenting on the nature of the group, just the name. Actually, I am. Let's be honest. Anywho, here's the list in no particular order (except at the end):

Defenseless Mennonite Church Who's attacking the Mennonites? What did they ever do to you?
Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Broke from the disorganized church
American Ethical Union Later changed name to Hall of Justice
Ledeboerian Churches
Swedenborgian Church Did not like the name, "Ledeboerians"
Bible Standard, Inc. I tend to shy away from churches that end with "inc"
National David Spiritual Temple of Christ Church Union (Inc), USA I have no idea what's going on here
Latter House of the Lord for All People and the Church of the Mountain Apostolic Faith
Church of the Living God, the Pillar and Ground of the Truth
House of God Which is the Church of the Living God, the Pillar and Ground of the Truth
House of God Which is the Church of the Living God, the Pillar and Ground of the Truth Without Controversy (Keith Dominion) Apparently there was some controversy somewhere
Pentecostal Fire Baptized Holiness Church
Fire Baptized Holiness Church (Wesleyan) They really liked the name, just not the pentecostals

Holy Ukranian Autocephalic Orthodox Church in Exile
General Six Principle Baptists Which are...?
Regular Baptists Broke away from the irregular ones; some sort of fiber controversy
Two Seed in the Spirit Predestinarian Baptists At least they're not too particular

UM Reporter Article

2007-11-06T09:58:00.001-05:00

I was interviewed recently for an article in the UM Reporter. The article is about the link between Asbury Seminary and

The Monastery at Gethsemani. Omar Al-Rikabi, Maxie Dunnam, Reg Johnson and Bob Mulholland are also interviewed for the article. I also get to do a retreat there the first week of December.

New Car Post

2007-11-05T15:59:00.000-05:00

I have recently purchased a "new" 2005 Corolla. This replaces my "old" 1992 Corolla which can now be viewed at a gas station at the Waddy/Peytona exit on I-64 just west of Frankfort, Kentucky. Here are a few things I like about the '05:

1. It starts.

2. It doesn't smell (yet).

3. No cracks in windshield.

4. All four doors open from the outside (as opposed to just one).

4a. I can open the driver's side door to get in the car (as opposed to the passenger door).

5. All four speakers work (very well).

6. The AC button isn't just for looks.

7. All four tires match (so far).

8. The door to the gas cap is still in tact (in other words, I haven't punched it/broken it to get it open).

9. Shocks.

10. I don't have to wait for rain, puddles or rubbing snow on the windows to get them clean. Apparently, they've invented a device that holds fluid inside the car that washes the window for you.

11. Lining that actually stays on the ceiling. There's also a large portion of lining missing due to the presence of a moonroof.

12. No Christian identification affixed to the rear of the car, thus enabling me to drive as crazy as I want.

13. I can name that mileage using 5 digits (as opposed to 6).

As soon as I am able, I will post another list about the top things I will miss about my 1992 Corolla (R.I.P.). If anyone has any idea of what I will miss, let me know.

Website for Religion Geeks

2007-10-29T12:52:00.000-04:00

Finally, a site for all of you who can't get enough of American religion. The Association for Religion Data Archives is a haven for all you geeks out there. It provides info on all denominations in the U.S., even those real small ones. It also provides "denominational trees" for the major denoms (Lutheran, Methodist, Episcopal, etc) all the way back to the 1600's. Another neat feature is the denominational breakdown by county across the U.S. So if you need to research your latest idea for a church plant, or you just have some time to waste, this is the site for you. Enjoy.

Classic Office Moment

2007-10-18T10:31:00.000-04:00

For both of you who do not watch The Office (and for those of you who do), here's the best clip from last week's episode. For those of you who don't know already, The Office is the best comedy on television right now. No debates. It's over. This clip shows us why.

2007-10-15T17:19:00.000-04:00

If you haven't heard already, the group Radiohead has released a new album via the internet. You can download it there and you can set the price. Seriously. First, you place the order and set your price, then click on the question mark if you have any questions. You are then given the message that it is indeed up to you. And just in case you don't trust the technology, you can click on the mark again, and a reassuring message will let you know that you can trust this technology and yourself to set the price (see above). Impressive, no?

This is a first for a major release. They finished production a few weeks ago (sometime this month) and decided to go ahead and put it out on the internet. The actual release with cover art will be released in December, but the music is available now. How much would you pay? Go ahead, set your price.

In My Element(s)

2007-10-11T16:08:00.001-04:00

Today is the first day it's felt like fall here in Kentucky. I actually had to break out my Carhartt jacket to protect my body from the elements. I love my Carhartt. I love the first day of the fall when I can wear it. It makes me feel like a big man, all rugged and burly. Yeah, I said burly. If you owned a Carhartt, you'd feel the same way.

I also noticed that the vent over my head in the office isn't spewing out frigidly cold air anymore. Someone decided to use a little heat today. During my lunch, I even went home and took a nap/hibernated for 45 minutes. In short, I'm very comfortable today. I'm in my element. You see, I'm from Ohio and we're very cold people. We're more comfortable in the cold. Summers are unbearable for my people. We melt in our hot cars. We can't wait for the fall. It's our favorite time of year. That's how we roll.

In celebration, I will now attempt to write a sorry excuse for a haiku:

Carhartt jacket in hiding since March,

gone for seven months

show yourself.

I'm In A Movie (Sort Of)

2007-10-09T10:33:00.000-04:00

I was paid the highest compliment last week when I found out that two of the youth in Campus Life added me in a movie they made. Actually, I'm not "in" the movie, but I am the target of an assassination. You'll also notice that I have an Italian accent in this flick. Luca (who also filmed the movie) is an exchange student from Italy. Eric has been a long time Campus Lifer and apparently has a secret, hidden desire to kill me. It's quite the honor to be the subject of random killing and violence in the everyday lives of teenagers. This is exactly the kind of impact I was hoping for when I signed up to be a youth volunteer.

Yet Another Group That Opposes The President...

2007-10-02T17:09:00.000-04:00

NPR Dreams

2007-10-02T16:58:00.000-04:00

I've set my alarm clock to the local NPR station. So, when I wake up (or better yet, when my alarm clock tells me to get up) I usually hear some news report, story or fund raising thing. Sometimes, if I'm not awake enough, I'll actually have dreams about the stories I'm hearing. I've had dreams about terrorists (scary), adventures in the Arctic, and today, I had a dream about some controversial sheriff in Mississippi or Louisiana that just died. I actually pictured the guy as he was being interviewed. Pretty weird stuff. Maybe I'm not creative enough to host my own dreams. Maybe I need NPR to fill in the gaps. And, as Bart Simpson once said to his sister, "Wow, Lisa, even your dreams are lame".

New Music Review

2007-09-19T16:21:00.000-04:00

If you're in the market for some new music, The Reign Of Kindo is a great group to check out. Relevant Magazine posted their EP recently. Here's the link. To me, they're a cross between Chicago, Steely Dan, ELO and Jars of Clay. They've got that groovy 70's jazz thing going on. Highly recommended. And cheap.

Pleasantly Surprised, volume 2

2007-09-18T14:13:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don't know, I have been volunteering with Youth for Christ here in Lexington for...geez...almost 8 years now. Seems a lot longer. Anywho, this year is a very unique one in that I am the only adult leader of the group. Admittedly, we've taken some hits over the last few years and are left with very few students, but still, I'm it. The other leaders have either moved or decided not to join us.

Over the summer I had been talking with the remaining youth about our dire situation and was left with the feeling that I might be wrapping this puppy up and putting it to bed. And I was OK with that. So, last week I addressed the situation again only to find that the remaining students were more than happy to keep this going AND help it to grow. I was surprised and amused at their youthful enthusiasm and was interested to see where this was going.

Last night was our first "club" of the year and I was pleasantly surprised that 11 students showed up, almost double what we started with last week. Some of the kids took it upon themselves to invite their friends and pass out flyers that they had produced at home.

It was also a unique club because the house we meet in flooded earlier in the day and we had to meet outside on the back porch around the fire pit. This made for the perfect atmosphere on a picture-perfect fall night in KY. It also helped to enable the pyromaniacs in our group to start and yes, cause some fires. I had to hide the lighter fluid on two separate occasions.

I would love to take credit for all this, but 1). I'm not a great motivator; and 2). I'm horrible at motivating people. It's great to see them take the initiative and assume the leadership that is rightfully theirs. I did tell them that I would need their help, but I honestly wasn't expecting all that they have done.

I don't know if the numbers will hold up next week, but it was great to see the benefits of a student led youth ministry at least for one week. Let's hope this grows through the year.

Every Sketch Is Sacred...

2007-09-17T15:39:00.000-04:00

For all of you hard core Monty Python fans, here's a site for you: 150 Monty Python sketches...no more, no less. Not 151 nor 149. 152 is right out. 150 shall be the number of the sketches. So many sketches that not even the African swallow could carry them all. A European swallow might be able to. It could carry them by their husks.

Iraq Video Blog

2007-09-10T11:19:00.000-04:00

This is a great video blog of a father and son living in Damascus after fleeing Iraq. They are both artists and wish to return home someday. The boy is an amazing artist. Click here for the video.

This comes from Alive In Baghdad, a video blog dedicated to bringing the lives of ordinary Iraqis to the spotlight. It's a great way to see how U.S. foreign policy is viewed by and played out in the lives of everyday citizens. We don't get this perspective on the news that often.

Pleasantly Surprised

2007-08-31T16:08:00.000-04:00

Okay...I wrote the other day about how nice it was to have gone to a college with a losing football tradition. That way, we're never disappointed and we're pleasantly surprised when good things happen. I also predicted that Kent would lose to Iowa State (I believe I used the word "crushed").

I was wrong.

Kent actually beat Iowa State last night. Call me pleasantly surprised. Next week my alma mater comes here to Lexington to take on Kentucky. No predictions this time. We'll see what happens.

The Death Star Attack: Inside Job?

2007-08-30T11:33:00.000-04:00

New evidence has come out about the destruction of the Death Star. Some are calling for an investigation based on the release of this new evidence. Click here to see their arguments. After viewing this, I don't believe the "Empire" was as strong as we were lead to believe. There were weak links all the way to the top. My confidence in Emperor Palpatine and Lord Vader have been shaken. I'm glad they're dead. Long live Emperor Jar Jar!!!

Joy!!!

2007-08-30T09:19:00.000-04:00

Football season starts today. This is the best time of the year. Period. My beloved Kent State Golden Flashes (yes, that is our real name) take on Iowa State tonight. We will get crushed, but I don't care. Here's a stupid picture from last year's loss to Ohio State. We'll lose to them again. It's great to have a losing tradition. There's absolutely no stress involved, and you're pleasantly surprised when good things happen.

Darth Vader on the National Cathedral

2007-08-27T14:09:00.000-04:00

I know, two posts in one day; but I had to post this. How cool is this church? I think Chewbacca would have been a better choice though. Click on the title for the linked article.

Book Review: The Dark River by John Twelve Hawks

2007-08-27T12:12:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I'm a book reviewer now.

The Dark River by John Twelve Hawks (and yes, that's his real name) is the second book in the Fourth Realm trilogy (it sounds very confusing with all those numbers). The first book is The Traveler. I stumbled onto it by accident through a book club and loved it. It follows the adventures of a "traveler" called Gabriel and his brother Michael. Travelers have the ability to visit other dimensions, or "realms". The author cites other famous travelers like Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and a list of mystics and people from all walks of life and religions. You may not agree with the theology here, but it helps with the story.

When these travelers return from their other-worldly visits, they come back with secret knowledge and words of wisdom that go against life here in this realm. Over the years, a group has risen to dispose of these people and keep the world in order. These people are called the Brethren. They know everything and are very, very bad. Very bad.

There's also a group called Harlequins. They protect the Travelers at any cost, and therefore are very lonely, disturbed, heroic people. The lead of the novel is Maya. She is sworn to protect Gabriel and Michael, who have just discovered their powers.

The story is set up as a Matrix-type narrative: The world can be a better place, but the powers that be don't want it to change and will do anything to silence those who desire change. The difference here is that the changes aren't technological or biological as in the Matrix. The changes in The Traveler and
The Dark River are spiritual and psychological. While the driving force of the current realm is to buy more, the Travelers tell their followers to live simply and consume less. This is a dangerous message to a consumerist, post modern society. I found myself resonating with that message through both books.

Even though most may recognize the Matrix parallels, there are enough twists and turns in individual storylines to keep it very interesting. And the chapters from the other realm visits are very weird. Mr. Twelve Hawks (or is it just Hawks?) does a great job of letting the reader know that they are in a different place. They're both fun reads too.

Fantasy Football

2007-08-15T09:40:00.000-04:00

Among the many accomplishments in my life, I list "fantasy football commissioner" as one of the most honorable things I've ever done. I've tried putting it on a resume or two, but decided against it. I don't think my future employers would "get it". So, last night was our league's 3rd annual inaugural draft night. What a blast. Your adrenaline is pumping with all the excitement and anticipation of who you will get in the draft. You're competing with 9 other teams to select the best team overall. Not that it matters much anyway. You'll probably end up dropping half your team by the 2nd week due to injury or just plain lameness.

I'm very pleased with my selections. I would like to thank Damon Gibbs for selecting Peyton Manning with the first pick overall, leaving me to gobble up Ladanian Tomlinson with the second pick. I also picked up Drew Brees (QB) and Marvin Harrison (WR). I've named my team the Spider Pigs in honor of the Simpsons, of course.

Youth Ministry Milestones

2007-08-09T15:27:00.001-04:00

This fall marks my 10th year of youth ministry. I've been a volunteer at my church back in Kent, Ohio and with Youth for Christ here in Lexington, Kentucky. I will also be helping to re-launch the youth ministry at Apostles Anglican Church this fall.

During this time, I've seen my share of youth "bone-headedness" that an adult would expect to see. I've either seen or heard of kids peeing on buses (on the outside), stealing magnets off of cars, stealing and then returning floodlights from front lawns, kids getting pulled over for peeling out in full view of a patrol car, my own car being lovingly vandalized over and over again, and kids puking in walmart bags and handing them to me to dispose of.

The list could continue, but I halt at naming any more because none can compare to what transpired this past weekend. I now have a kid who has actually branded the word "yo" on someone's butt. Yes, branded. With a hot poker from the fireplace. The anonymous individual did say that he/she was prompted by the recipient of the brand to do so and did give them a bath towel to put in their mouth to drown out the screaming, and to keep all their teeth in place.

And yes, he/she did get in trouble due to the fact that: 1. They took pictures, of course; and 2. The parents found the pictures due to the fact he/she forgot to delete said pictures, of course. In this technologically savvy age we live in, it seems that we aren't as savvy while using these cool new devises, or at least we're not destroying the evidence like we should.

This is a new one for me. I didn't quite know how to react at first. I did congratulate him/her on their accomplishment. It took a lot of creativity to pull this off. Is this a setback? Far from it. I think there are far worse things these kids could be doing while they're bored over the summer. I will, however, be working with this child on their decision-making abilities this year.

Religion and Ethics Interview with Mark Pinsky

2007-07-31T15:17:00.000-04:00

Here's an interview with Mark Pinsky, the author of The Gospel According to the Simpsons. I used the book for my independent study on the subject. Religion and Ethics Weekly covered the story for the premiere of the movie. I promise this is the last of the Simpsons posts...for now. Thanks to Guy Williams for posting this on his blog so that I could post it here.

The Simpsons Movie...Finally

2007-07-30T22:58:00.001-04:00

After all the hype, all the promotions, all the advertising, and all my posts about this movie, it finally arrived last Friday. It actually arrived for me at 12.01 AM Friday morning. Admittedly, I was skeptical. As a devout fan of The Simpsons, I have been acutely aware of the apparent decline of the series the last few years. So when I heard about the movie, I hoped and wondered if it would be worth seeing. I was not disappointed at all.

I was very surprised and delighted to find the movie interesting, funny and exciting to watch. I wasn't only interested in the humor, I was also interested in the storyline. That usually doesn't happen for me in an episode. The animation was great too. I expect this movie to get the Oscar for animated film. Or maybe the People's Choice Awards. Or the Golden Globe. Anyway, I'll get it on DVD. If you haven't seen it already, go to it. Enjoy.

I Am So Smrt...I Mean Smart

2007-07-25T13:02:00.000-04:00

Couldn't resist this classic...

(Again, just click on the title)

The Shining...I Mean Shinning

2007-07-24T13:59:00.000-04:00

Probably my favorite Halloween episode ever on the Simpsons. So many great lines:
1. Homer: No beer, no tv make Homer go something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

2. Homer: TV!!! Teacher, mother...secret lover.

Just click on the title to watch...

These Are Some Of My Favorite (Simpsons) Things...

2007-07-19T13:36:00.000-04:00

It's only about a week until the Simpsons movie premiere, so I'd like to celebrate by posting some of my favorite moments from the show. Here's my favorite Troy McClure educational movie. Just click on the title to see the show...

Punctuation Vigilante

2007-07-16T10:46:00.000-04:00

Taking a page from Lynne Truss' book Eats, Shoots and Leaves, I actually corrected a sign at a coffee shop this weekend. Someone at the shop wrote "Salad's" instead of "Salads" on the menu board in front of the counter. While the guy was making my turtle mocha, I erased the apostrophe between the d and the s. Does anyone know why? That's right: Putting the apostrophe between the d and the s makes the word both singular and possessive, as if to say, "The following items on this menu board belong to this particular salad. If you find them, please return them to the above mentioned salad." In actuality, the word on the board was intended to be plural and was referring to the many salad options available.

To Punctuation Vigilantes (or PV's) like myself, this was something I could not ignore. I had to leap into action and save the day. I felt like I was doing the internet cafe employees and visitors a service by correcting the grammatical offense. But I did so silently. I made no remarks to the employees. I didn't want to offend them or make them feel less then grammatical than me. That is not the PV way. My next project is to not only correct grammar, but also correct spelling mistakes on MySpace and Facebook. This will be a full time job.

Why I Hate Paintball

2007-07-09T11:35:00.000-04:00

Man, do I hate playing paintball. But its been a Youth for Christ "tradition" for 3 years. Part of this tradition is getting lost on the way there. Every time. I did it again this year too. So, besides getting lost every year, why do I hate paintball?

1. It's always hot. And I'm wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Oh, and a plastic mask over my head.

2. I can't see anything out of the scratched up rental mask plastic visor. This makes me nervous. It also gets fogged up alot.

3. I hate running around the woods while hiding from people who are trying to shoot me. I'm too scared to look around and I'm out of shape.

4. I have horrible aim.

5. I don't know what I'm doing. Real paintball players have strategy and such. I do not. They shoot me first.

6. I don't like getting shot.

7. Getting hit by paintballs really hurts (see #6). And it scares the crap out of me. The plus side is that I get to walk off the field, take off my mask, sit down and relax for a few minutes, laughing at everyone else.

Happy 4th from Wilmore, Kentucky...

2007-07-04T11:37:00.000-04:00

Here's some pics from the annual 4th of July parade this year. You just can't beat Wilmore, Kentucky for the best parade - ever.

Saul's Donkeys

2007-06-29T11:49:00.000-04:00

All of us geeky seminary types like to point out the imagery of David shepherding sheep before he came to shepherd the people. We think its cool. He fought lions, bears, and people to take care of his sheep. No wonder he became king. Saul, on the other hand tended donkeys.

In I Samuel 9, we find Saul on the hunt for his father's wayward asses. He takes along some "boy" to help and they can't find the donkeys. They search all over Israel for them, but they're gone. Saul is ready to go home, but the "boy" instructs him to seek counsel from Samuel. Saul doesn't think this will work, but what the hey, he was out of ideas. And abracabra, Saul is king. Of course, there's more to the story, but that's how Samuel and Saul met.

Compare that story with chapter 16. Saul is no longer in good standing and Samuel is instructed to go to Jesse's house to anoint the new king. David isn't there. He's the youngest, but he's out tending the sheep. David didn't seek out Samuel. Samuel found David and waited for him.

Donkeys versus sheep. I'm not sure of the biblical imagery of the donkey, but it seems that the author(s) of Samuel are making the point that Saul was just doing what he was told. David was obedient, and he was faithful. He actually found his sheep and defended them while Saul gave up and headed home when he couldn't find his donkeys.

I have no deep, theological point here. I'm just a seminary geek that noticed something pretty cool about something I just read.

Isaiah 46.1-4

2007-06-24T15:57:00.000-04:00

Bel crouches, Nebo cowers;
their images have gone to beast and cow.
The things you carry are loaded as a burden on the weary.
They cower, they crouch together; they are unable to deliver the burden;
but they themselves go into captivity.
Listen to me, house of Jacob,
all the remnant of the house of Israel,
those who have been carried from the womb,
those who have been borne from the belly,
until old age I am he,
until gray haired age I will bear.
I made, and I will carry;
I will bear, and I will deliver.

In this passage, the prophet Isaiah is describing the labor that people would have to endure to carry their gods (Bel and Nebo) with them when they are taken captive and deported. He then compares those gods to the God who bore them and carries them.

John Oswalt says it much better:

"In moments of catastrophe, the human and animal sufferers have to give time and energy to delivering the gods from harm's way. In contrast, it is God who has been carrying Israel from the beginning and will continue to do so until the end...His main point is that these beautiful images...are now a matter for oxcarts and donkeys."

A New National Anthem

2007-06-08T12:39:00.000-04:00

I went to a baseball game last night. OK, it was a minor league game, but we all had the opportunity to sing the national anthem. I don't think any one of us did. Here's why:

1. The lady singing the anthem chose to sing at the highest glass-shatteringest octave she could muster. I heard dogs barking behind the stadium.

2. No one really knows the words. What's a rampart? What comes first, "rockets red glare, or bombs bursting in air"?

3. Our national anthem...brace yourselves...stinks.

It sounds harsh, but you all know its true. The arrangement is all over the place. Highs and lows are living together right next to each other. Its crazy. The tune may have worked 200 years ago, but it doesn't now. Do you find yourself humming the tune during the day? I didn't think so.

But I do find myself humming "O, Canada". I'm not even Candadian, but the tune rocks. I caught Alanis Morrisette singing both anthems on TV the other night during the Stanley Cup finals in Ottawa (if you want to watch it, click on the title of this article). Of course no one sang along for our anthem. But when she started "O, Canada" everyone (and I mean everyone) sang along. It also helped that it was acapella. Just her and 20,000 Canadians. At one point she even stopped singing and pointed her mic at the crowd and they carried the tune. I got chills. And I'm not Canadian. The tune works, the lyrics are timeless (sort of) and everyone gets into it. Our anthem was penned in a prison during a battle. It sounds like theirs was conceived in a bar with a bunch of drunk people. It's awesome.

I know they have toyed with the idea of changing ours to "America the Beautiful" or "Enter Sandman", but after this week, I am pushing for a new anthem. What are your thoughts? Do we need to change it, and if so, to what?

Trophy Found In Cleveland - Authorities Are Stumped

2007-06-04T14:18:00.000-04:00

I heard on the news that a trophy was misplaced in Cleveland this weekend. The police figured someone from out of town lost it downtown and left no forwarding address. Actually, they had a very difficult time identifying the object as no one had seen a trophy before. An old man at a nursing home vaguely recalled seeing a trophy at some point in his life and identified the object as such. It took a while for authorities to come to grips with the fact that this thing was actually for a team from Cleveland. We're still trying to figure this one out.

So the Cleveland Cavaliers won the Eastern Conference Finals this weekend. We're the Eastern Conference Champions. We're in the NBA Finals. For the first time ever. Hmmm. Sounds weird.

I mean, its just not that often that you hear the words "champions" and "Cleveland" in the same sentence. Unless that sentence reads something like, "Eventual World Series champions Atlanta Braves beat Cleveland four games to two", or "The Denver Broncos are the champs at beating Cleveland no matter what", or "Michael Jordan sure beat Cleveland like a champ."

We're just used to losing big games and always being the underdog. That's just how we roll in Cleveland. We don't win championships, we help other individuals and teams in their pursuit of a championship. We like to think of it as a ministry. Where would Michael Jordan be without Craig Ehlo and the Cavs? Nowhere. The Braves would never have won a World Series without us. The Broncos would never have had to rise from the ranks of the laughingstocks if they had let us win just one AFC Championship game. Just one.

But now, we are the champs of the Eastern Conference of the NBA. And yes, we will probably lose big time to San Antonio, but really, who cares? We won something. We got to hoist up some trophy with a shiny basketball, for cryin' out loud. Let us have this moment. They don't come that often to the city of Cleveland.

Don't Mess With Fletch!

2007-05-26T11:13:00.000-04:00

I think we could all agree that Fletch is one of the greatest movies of all time. It's got everything: Chevy Chase, Norm from "Cheers", great music, high speed car chases, basketball dream sequences, and great lines like: "Oh, thank God...its the police" and "Could I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo" and my favorite: "Look, defenseless babies!"

I also assumed that the rest of the world agreed with me. But today I found this article that disagrees with me: http://www.slate.com/id/2166941?nav=ais. Well, disagrees is too light of a word. This guy actually hates this movie. It makes him angry. Even though I've read the article, I still can't understand why he hates it so. I can understand his arguments, but really...how could you hate this movie? Why is he putting so much thought into this movie? Is it really necessary? Is he related to Mr. Underhill?

When I was 15 (when the movie came out) I don't remember thinking, "Wow. Fletch has a big problem with rich, conservative authority figures. I think he's reacting to the recent re-election of Ronald Reagan and the unnerving decline of liberalism. Somebody should say something." I just enjoyed the movie. And I still do.

Theological Worldview Quiz

2007-05-19T10:04:00.001-04:00

Just in case you're questioning your call to a certain brand of theology, here's a quiz that may help define it for you: www.quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=43870. I've discovered that I'm a Wesleyan Holiness/Postmodern/Neo-Catholic freak. What are you?

The Great Gas Boycott of '07

2007-05-17T08:38:00.000-04:00

I was told a couple of times last week that I needed to not buy gas on Tuesday, May 15th. Supposedly there was this great gas boycott organized for the day. The idea was that if no one bought gas on Tuesday, we would send a message to the oil companies that we weren't going to take it anymore. High gas prices, that is.

It really didn't matter to me because I already had a goodly amount of petrol in my tank, so I was able to drive by many gas stations on Tuesday without any sacrifice and observe how the great boycott was going. And they were full of customers. Not very surprising. Here's some theories on why it didn't work:

1. Not everyone has the internet, especially Facebook and the ability to join a group specifically designed for the purpose of not buying gas.

2. People need gas and don't care about a stupid boycott that won't work anyway.

I also read an article that said the boycott was pointless because its not a true boycott. When you boycott something, you are vowing to stop an action for a prolonged period of time, like a hunger strike or the 1980 Moscow Olympics (or the 1984 LA Olympics). The Great Gas Boycott was only for a day. It didn't stop the purchase of gas, it only delayed the purchase of gas. If you didn't buy it Tuesday, you could've gone on Wednesday. There's no sacrifice involved. A true boycott would be to not buy gas over a prolonged period of time. That would really hurt the oil companies and force them to take action. What happened Tuesday didn't hurt them at all. They're going to make their money later in the week regardless. It really only hurt the owners of the gas stations who have no control over the price of gas. They hardly make any money off gas anyway.

So, the boycott didn't work, people still bought gas on Tuesday, and what was our reward? Gas was $2.99 on Tuesday. It's now $3.19. Unleaded. Good work.

Alpha Male

2007-05-12T14:47:00.001-04:00

So, I've volunteered to be a small group leader at my church for our new Alpha program. Pretty much we just watch a video of some English guy talk about God and then we split up into small groups to talk more about it. I go to my assigned location in the Alpha kitchen to await my group's arrival. One woman sits at the Alpha table. Then another, and another, and...another. At last count there were six (6) women (middle aged or greater) at my Alpha table awaiting my Alpha guidance. Now I'm not sexist or anything; I really appreciate a woman's Alpha input, but I needed/wanted at least one other Alpha male in my Alpha group. I was completely overwhelmed. I felt like I was hosting a taping of The View - Alpha style.

I've been told that men have a very limited vocabulary and women have an extremely open one. These Alpha women used all of my words for the next two days. I couldn't talk at all for 48 hours. I had heard too many Alpha words. Too much Alpha information. Don't get me wrong, it was a good group; but I didn't have to say much at all. They said I did a great job; I didn't say anything! Needless to say I was Alpha tired. All I wanted to do was go home and watch Lost. Which I did.

Miss USA vs. NCAA

2007-03-27T00:02:00.000-04:00

I love this time of year when the sports gods are smiling on us and give us various conference basketball tournaments and the NCAA tournament (and, to a lesser extent, the NIT). I love brackets. If I could bracket my life, I would. But, I just leave bracketing to this time of year. I'm usually not very good at picking teams in the tourney, but I went out of my way to pick some key upsets this year. And...none of them happened.

Outside of VCU, Oregon, Vandy and Winthrop, no upsets this year. Its really weird. Needless to say, all of my brackets (which are now online for everyone to see) are messed up. I am currently at the bottom of the bracket barrel this year.

But, alas, I was redeemed this past Friday. Bored with basketball, I tuned in to watch the Miss USA pageant. You know the other Miss America, but they like to choose partying Kentucky girls for the crown. As the 51 contestants came out, I picked my favorites based on their appearance and my impressions of their "winnability". And, behold, I chose 3 of the top 5. Miss California placed 4th, Miss Kansas placed 3rd and Miss Rhode Island was 2nd. I did pick Miss Tennessee to win, but only after it was down to the final 10. So , I can't pick 'em in basketball, but I can pick 'em in Miss USA. Is this a problem, or a possible career for me? And what does this say about my view of women? How did I know this stuff? I'm amazed and very afraid.

Quote of the Week

2007-01-16T22:28:00.000-05:00

I know this book's been out a few years and many of you have read it, but I just love this line (and most others) from this book:

"To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as 'Thank God its Friday' (without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive 'its' (no apostrophe) with the contractive 'it's' (with apostrophe) is an unequivocal signal of illiteracy and sets off a simple Pavlovian 'kill' response in the average stickler. The rule is: the word 'it's' (with apostrophe) stands for 'it is' or 'it has'. If the word does not stand for 'it is' or 'it has' then what you require is 'its'. This is extremely easy to grasp."
- Lynne Truss from Eats, Shoots & Leaves (p. 43)

I still remember this rule from Mrs. Frazier's grammar class in 7th grade. No science, no major logic, just "does it sound right?" If you reason it out (see above) you're probably right. Thanks, Mrs. Frazier. Get this book if you haven't already.

3 Doors Down

2007-01-05T23:33:00.000-05:00

I love my car. I really do. It's a 92 Corolla with 206,000 miles on it. There's no washer fluid tank, the stereo sucks, the vinyl on the ceiling has either been ripped out or fallen out, and the door to the gascap was punched out (by me) when it wouldn't open. To make it even better, when I got the car 6 years ago, the rear right passenger door just didn't open. The previous owner didn't know why, but it just didn't work. No problem. A couple years ago, a youth (or yout) accidentally broke off the door handle to the rear left passenger door. Still, no problem. I just open the front door and reach around to open the door from the inside.

Well, last night a new chapter in the history of my car started. The handle on the driver's door finally broke off. I could feel it getting loose over the last few months. So, I've been very gentle with it, trying not to break it. But despite my efforts, the stupid thing just broke off yesterday. Its now an official problem. I only have one door I can open from the outside now. In order to get in, I have to open the front passenger door and reach over to open the driver's door, walk around the car and get in. I need a new car. Maybe. It still runs great. I just can't get in...

How to scam a scammer

2006-12-27T11:07:00.000-05:00

Last week I was contacted by someone in Ivory Coast via facebook telling me that they wanted me to help them get over $9 million out of the country. They wanted me to invest it here and I would get a handsome compensation for my efforts. First, she told me that her father had died this summer in Lebanon, and then in another email, she told me that he died in Ivory Coast. I called her on it and she said that she was having a "translator problem". I guess Lebanon and Ivory Coast sound the same in her country. You would think by this time, that people would have given up on this scam after the many years it has been exposed.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out the next step in drawing this out. She wants my contact information (which I will not divulge) and my phone number. Should I give her bogus information, or should I keep asking questions? Should I try to witness to her? Or should I try to scam her? I have some very creative friends out there. Any comments or suggestions would be great.

Almost...

2006-12-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

My beloved Kent State Golden Flashes came pretty close to the upset of the year last night as they lost to Duke 72-67. Despite not having the top players and being in Cameron Indoor Stadium and turning the ball over too many times to count, they still had a chance to beat Duke. The last time I saw them play this well was in 2001 when they made it to the Elite Eight. On the way, they beat Oklahoma State, Alabama, and Pitt. Kent was a ten seed that year. We're probably going to be seeing this team again in March, and not in the NIT.

Rodrigo y Gabriela

2006-12-08T22:03:00.000-05:00

For those of you who'd like some new music, or have the time for some new music, might I recommend Rodrigo y Gabriela's album, Rodrigo y Gabriela. Hmm, I guess it is self-titled... They're a Mexican guitar duo from Dublin, Ireland (?) and they're really fun to listen to. There seems to be a pretty big bandwagon for them, and I tried to resist it, but I couldn't. I'm on the bandwagon. I just downloaded it today. They've released 2 other albums, but this is the first one to be released here in the states. I saw them on the Craig Ferguson Show (The Late Late Show) and have heard them on NPR's World Cafe (which, by the way, is a great show to listen to for great new "grown up" music). They'll be on Letterman on Dec. 18th.

Sounds like I'm being paid, doesn't it? I wish. Anyway, they combine flamenco, metal and folk into one acoustic blend. They also double as percussion. I'd love to see them live. If you enjoy Phil Keaggy, you'll love these guys. It's like two Phil Keaggy's on one album. I love acoustic guitar, and these two are amazing...and Gabriela's hot, too (another reason why I like them so). Click on the heading to listen to some of their music.

And, if you care, I'm also recommending Pete Yorn's Music For the Morning After (acoustic rock), the Futureheads News and Tributes (Brit pop), and The Black Keys Magic Potion (heavy blues). Merry freakin' Christmas.

I Miss My Boring Life

2006-11-20T23:07:00.000-05:00

Up until a few weeks ago, my life was pretty, no very, routine. I had things to do, but they all fell within my daily regimine of boredom. I had always seen my life as very routine, dull, lacking a certain something - we'll call it vitality. I had a pretty boring job. It wasn't very challenging, but I had some friends there, and it was comfortable. My whole life was comfortable. I was unhappy, but I was comfortable.

Along comes the new job. If you've read my previous post, you know my thoughts. Today, my 4th day on the job, I've realized that this job is more boring and less rewarding than the job I left. Even though I do get paid more, it comes at a great price - tedium. As I made my 30th phone call today, I felt this overwhelming sense of purposelessness. "Why am I doing this?", I asked myself. "Only 2 more hours", I said. I tried to cheer myself up all day.

I also wondered if I had made a mistake in leaving my old job. Was the sacrifice necessary? Could I have stayed there? I went back and forth, but finally came to the conclusion that leaving was necessary, despite my current discomfort. I was too comfortable there, and I needed a push. This new job may not be the ultimate destination of that push, but it has been a big push indeed. As stated in my previous post, I have been able to focus on the meaning of life (my life especially), and to desire that which is truly good. I've been evaluating my life more closely too. I am not content with going through the motions of work-a-day life as I was before, because each day I ask myself if what I did today made any difference what so ever.

Before, I was able to shut my mind off and go through the motions. Now I can't shut it off. I'm always thinking about these things, and it really bothers me. I miss my old, boring life. It was much simpler. Not very complicated at all. Now, there have been some intense moments, but they were few and far between. I miss that. Now I know that my life is boring and I hate knowing that...

The Death of a Salesman

2006-11-17T23:17:00.000-05:00

I know i haven't posted anything in about 5 months, but this event made me do it. If you know me well, you would know that I am "vocationally challenged." Despite the fact that I possess a master's degree, I don't have a job that befits that degree. Ideally, I would be teaching or pastoring somewhere. But, due to circumstances, I'm just not. It's been very humbling (read "humiliating") to still be in the same spot I was 4 years ago. I have grown spiritually and personally, but I can't put those things on a resume.

So along comes this job that offers more money and more responsibility. It seems great. So I dump my old job to launch myself into a new stage in my life, only to find that I don't want it. I have been jolted into the fact that I'm really a creative person; I just didn't know it until this job attempted to suck the life out of me. I find myself wanting to write, read, teach, create, help; anything that promotes the well being and betterment of other people and myself. Again, I didn't realize this until I stepped into this new job. Its like eating something and having an immediate allergic reaction. You didn't know peanuts would do that to you until you ate them.

So, 2.5 days into this new job, I don't want it anymore. I don't want to go back there on Monday, except to resign. I want a mindless job where I can think about good things there and at while at home. I want a place that will enable me to do what needs to be done to glorify God. For some, its sales. For me, its not sales. This new job is life-consuming. I want my life to be consumed by what glorifies God in my life. Now, I'm not saying that this is a horrible job. For some people, its the job of a lifetime. Work is good. God honors work. But I don't feel like I am honoring God by being there. I feel a definite pull in another direction. This is also not a Christian v. Secular vocation thing, either. I was totally ready to work in any workspace and do my best. I do feel that God calls some of us to do that. But I see God moving me towards a more creative and helping ministry. I don't know...I'm taking everyone's input. Tell me what you think...

Second Tour of Duty in Mississippi

2006-06-18T09:04:00.000-04:00

I just got back last night from Gulfport, MS. I went down with a couple of churches from Lexington and some youth from YFC. We got to help 4 different families this time. The first family needed their floor torn out. We discovered termite damage, water damage and fire damage to their main supports for the house. Its amazing what you discover when you dig deep enough. They really appreciated it too. They told us how they literally floated down the street in 5 feet of water looking for help and each other.

The next house, or farm, was out in the middle of nowhere. It took us about an hour to get there. Upon entering, we were greeted by chickens, goats, dogs, geese and ducks. Then the family came out of their trailer. They had nothing left but a concrete slab, a piano, and a burned out oak tree. Apparently, the hurricane had knocked the tree down into their house and then it caught fire. And they had no insurance. And the mother was going through chemotherapy. Our job was to cut down the tree and take the wood out to the field. I have no idea what they're going to do. It seemed so insignificant for us to take care of this tree when they needed so much more.

Our next assignment was to settle a neighborhood dispute over a fallen tree. Apparently, the neighbors were complaining that this certain family had never taken care of a tree that had fallen over into someone else's yard. So, we took care of it. I got to use a chainsaw too.

Our next case took us to the bayou. This family needed help putting a floor in their house. They were very appreciative and fun to work with. They also told us about the 20 feet of water that filled their house. And how they heard the president fly over their house after the hurricane. And how they filled their days with waiting in lines for gas, water and food. They cleaned out the house themselves. The wife also filled her lungs with harmful black mold that had infested their house. She had to go to the hospital for a few days.

We also got to serve dinner to about 300 middle school students and youth pastors who were helping out down there. It was a very interesting and diverse week. Overall, I realized that I can't imagine what it's like to lose your house, your health, your possessions, and be totally dependent on others. I've always been pretty self sufficient. But what I learned from these people is how distracted I really am. I love music, I love TV. I love filling my life with distractions. But they have learned to go without these. One woman said that she had grown even closer to God after losing their home because all of those distractions floated down the river. Even though its been 10 months, there is so much work to do. If you can find the time, please go and help.

Two great quotes that I heard from survivors this week:
"If you can't eat it or wear it, you don't need it."
"When you're reduced to nothing, God meets you there."